How Veterans Experience The Rush of Combat

How Veterans Experience The Rush of Combat

I’m looking for a rush, I’m looking for a reason to help people,
I want near deadly experiences, I want an apocalypse of this world,
I want everything to go bad, I want you all to fucking need me to fucking save your life.

Our tracers were red, their tracers were green,
At night you would see red and green tracers going back and forth, one to five ratio.
It was an addiction to have the adrenaline going through you every day.

Jumping out of a plane is better than any orgasm I’ve ever had.
Talk about peak life experiences… coming off of that and going into a sedentary job…
…it’s like the world is moving in slow motion.

The first months walking in Afghanistan you’re fucking petrified…
It’s that bone chilling fucking feeling: “did I take the wrong step?”
That happens for three weeks or a month, until becomes normal.

For six months or whatever, you’re really in the shit,
You’re in the thick of it, you are really doing something;
You’re doing something that people are talking about.

You’re doing something that’s cool,
You’re doing something with your friends,
It’s hard, it’s crazy, and it feels like you’re really alive for the first time in your life.

When you come back and your don’t have that anymore, it’s hard.
It’s hard to think to yourself, “I’m never going to do that again, I’m never going to be that cool again, I’m never going to be able to go back to that.”

*This piece is based on 35 interviews with Canadian Veterans of Afghanistan. Quotes were thematically extracted from my interviews and lines were pieced together to form the above narrative. The definition of PTSD in the image does not reflect my views on PTSD as defined by the DSM-V. Rather, it offers a way to talk about issues beyond PTSD. I also want to say thank-you to the Canadian Veterans who gave their time and insight in the interviews.

The Lesser-known Issues Veterans Face in Transition

The Lesser-known Issues Veterans Face in Transition

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has become a familiar and frequently used concept in recent years. Although PTSD is a major issue faced by our returning troops, it has become somewhat of an umbrella term we often jump to when considering psychological injuries in the military and veteran population.

So what are some of the lesser-known issues veterans face in transition? These consist of moral injury, transitional stress, and sanctuary trauma. 

It is important to differentiate these issues faced by veterans from PTSD. If we view every issue, we miss out on the complexity of the problem.

What is PTSD?

In the DSM-5, PTSD is conceptualized as, “exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury or sexual violation.” This exposure then produces prolonged distressing symptoms in the individual such as nightmares, flashbacks, or hyper-vigilance. The key distinguishing factor is that PTSD is closely related to a fear response tied to the fight or flight instincts.

Moral Injury

Beyond PTSD, moral injury focuses on trauma to the moral conscience. Two major definitions have emerged:

Brett Litz defines moral injury as “perpetrating, failing to prevent, bearing witness to, or learning about acts that transgress deeply held moral beliefs and expectations.”

This may occur in a high steaks situation where one is forced to make a decision they may believe is right at the time, but may later come to realize the decision had negative unintended negative consequences.

For example, if a vehicle fails to stop, one may suspect it is an enemy threat, requiring one to take out the target. After the decision is made, one may come to learn the vehicle was actually occupied by an innocent civilian family.

Although the individual cannot be blamed for this action, it becomes a moral injury when the person suffers intense shame and unresolved grief.

This is not the only form of moral injury.

Jonathan Shay, in Odysseus in America, defines moral injury as stemming from the “betrayal of ‘what’s right’ in a high-stakes situation by someone who holds power.”

This includes a sense of institutional betrayal. For Example, an individual may feel betrayed by a superior, or the military institution as a whole, if they come to learn that the mission they were ordered to carry out actually resulted in the destruction of an innocent village.

Both forms of moral injury shatter a person’s worldview, causing a profound sense of shame and isolation. This is different than PTSD because moral injury does not rely on a fear response. Rather, it relies on a betrayal of our humanity.

Here is a comparison between PTSD and moral injury symptoms as presented in a recent series on moral injury in the Huffington Post:

Huffington Post

As depicted, moral injury is marked by the highly evolved human emotions of grief and shame. PTSD relies on the more primitive emotion of fear, governing the fight or flight response.

For example, a dog can develop PTSD if it is traumatized. It is more difficult to give a dog moral injury. A dog may experience temporary guilt for a wrongdoing, but it is hard to imagine a scenario where this guilt would turn into long-term shame.

Human beings are highly social creatures and these moral emotions govern our connection to the social realm. Shame isolates us by destroying our sense of being a valuable person. Betrayal isolates us by destroying our sense of trust.

Transitional Stress

This is not a very popular concept, but it is something that I’ve found accurately depicts the unique challenges many veterans face upon reintegrating into civilian life.

In my research, I’ve found that veterans often experience a stressful transition to civilian life due to the cultural differences they encounter.

In my interviews with Canadian Veterans, I found six common themes: missing the military; feeling lost and apathetic in civilian life; feeling cut off from an elite family; difficulty connecting with civilians; the loss of structure; and the loss of a sense of service.

This sentiment is evident in Jessie Odom’s memoir, Through Our Eyes:

“the most devastating perpetual trauma I had to overcome was civilian transition… I know the changes I see in myself are not a result of the war in Iraq. Even though those memories are still there and are traumatic, it goes much deeper than that. The changes are the result of a man who wishes he was at war.”

Canadian psychologists with the Veterans Transition Program have referred to the problem as a “reverse culture shock” (Westwood, Black, and McLean 2002). Veterans speak of losing their closely bonded “military family” upon leaving the forces and experience a sense of identity disorientation as they attempt to navigate within an unfamiliar civilian world.

From a sociological perspective, transitional trauma is a form of ‘anomie’. Anomie is a concept used by Sociologist Émile Durkheim to describe a society lacking moral regulation.

An anomic society lacks the moral signposts that guide individuals throughout their life-course, leaving them without direction to pursue collective goals. In this sense, it is closely tied to moral injury.

Rather than alienation resulting from an individual committing a moral offense resulting in self-blame, alienation results when the individual cannot reintegrate into a relatively loosely regulated society that doesn’t provide the same clear sense of purpose and regulation found in the military.

Sanctuary Trauma

Sanctuary trauma is a concept developed by Dr. Steven Silver: “[It] occurs when an individual who suffered a severe stressor next encounters what was expected to be a supportive and protective environment’ and discovers only more trauma.” Although this concept is under-recognized, a Canadian veteran is demonstrating its current relevance.

Bruce Moncur wrote a recent article in the Huffington Post expressing that fighting veteran affairs is like fighting the Taliban. He attributes at least half of his trauma to navigating the vicissitudes of veteran affairs. Sanctuary trauma comes from a feeling of abandonment, the feeling that one was merely used and thrown away when becoming injured. As stated in my post on Canada’s ‘sacred obligation’ to veterans, this was reinforced by the meeting with the former Veteran Affairs Minister, Julian Fantino, that went “off the rails.”

The sacred obligation goes beyond a legal contract; it is a covenant made by a society to care for those who served in an unlimited capacity. The major difference between a covenant and a contract is this level of liability. Contracts only hold parties liable to a degree limited by the terms and conditions of the contract, whereas covenants hold parties liable to an unlimited degree.

Christopher Coker, in The Warrior Ethos, describes the covenant as distinguished from the contract in three ways: “First, they are not limited to specific conditions and circumstances; secondly, they tend to be open-ended and long-lasting; and, thirdly, they rarely involve individual advantage.” What he is describing is the warrior’s covenant.

In the Canadian Armed Forces, the warrior’s covenant is characterized by “unlimited liability” – as described in Duty With Honour. This means that “members accept and understand that they are subject to being lawfully ordered into harm’s way under conditions that could lead to the loss of their lives.”

Accepting unlimited liability, serving members enter into a sacred covenant based in an altruistic commitment to self-sacrifice if required by the mission. In A Soldier’s Contract, Tom Martineau states:

“…then I come back, and you [the government] treat me like a piece of shit… I stuck up to my part of the bargain; I signed a contract saying what I was going to do, and I did it.”

Sanctuary trauma compounds the issues of war traumas, exacerbating feelings of isolation and hopelessness. For many embittered veterans, this is a feeling of institutional betrayal.

Conclusion

Veterans experience forms of trauma beyond PTSD. New labels allow researchers and mental health practitioners to more accurately pinpoint the source of the issue. By knowing the source of the issue, better solutions can be provided.

Treatments for PTSD may include forms of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Treatments for moral injury may include existential/ spiritual counseling. Solutions for transitional stress may be sought in group therapy, programs that teach entrepreneurial skills, or occupational groups that provide individuals with a new sense of mission. As for sanctuary trauma, the solution is ensuring returning veterans feel they are cared for upon their return.

What is Moral Injury?

What is Moral Injury?

“… I started thinking God hates me… I’m not religious or anything, but I felt like there was this hate for me…” – Sergeant Brendan O’Byrne on life after deployment

A new invisible injury is grabbing the attention of military psychologists. The concept of ‘moral injury’ is gaining traction in recent academic literature surrounding the mental health of combat veterans.

What is moral injury?

Litz (2009) defines moral injury as, “perpetrating, failing to prevent, bearing witness to, or learning about acts that transgress deeply held moral beliefs and expectations.”

Let’s take a closer look at how it is unique.

PTSD vs. Moral Injury

In the DSM-5, PTSD is conceptualized as a fear response resulting from the perceived threat of death or serious injury. Rather than a fear response, the concept of moral injury illuminates the importance of guilt and shame.

Although many of their symptoms overlap, moral injury is distinct since it results from what a person has done, rather than something that has been done to a person.

While PTSD is an anxiety disorder triggered by an instinctual fight or flight response, Moral injury deals with the uniquely human capacity of moral conscience. As Charles Darwin said:

“I fully … subscribe to the judgment of those writers who maintain that of all the differences between man and the lower animals the moral sense or conscience is by far the most important.”

For example, dogs and humans may both develop an anxious response to repeated nearby bomb explosions. When confronted with actual bombs, this is a useful survival strategy.

But if the response continues when the actual threat is removed, this is anxiety (e.g. a slamming door may trigger the fight or flight response). This is how PTSD works at its basic level. It has actually been reported that deployed military dogs also suffer from PTSD.

Human intellectual capacity for ethical reflection, and our placement in cultural belief systems complicate the simple fight or flight response.

Moral injury is unique to humans because it is characterized by deep internal conflict, threatening to overthrow one’s sense of identity and communal belonging.

Guilt and shame drive the person with moral injury toward isolation, making them feel unworthy of pleasure and perhaps even self-sabotaging or engaging in self-harm. This makes moral injury an empirically dangerous affliction, particularly in terms of suicide risk.

While PTSD can be characterized as an overactive fight or flight response, moral injury is a profound internal conflict. For a powerful narrative illustration of moral injury, see the Public Insight Network.

Why is Moral Injury so Dangerous 

Moral injury often lurks under the radar, taking lives and leaving survivors unable to make sense of the tragedy. Since moral injury has not yet been officially adopted into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, mental health professionals have not been able to properly diagnose this invisible injury.

Defined as a profound experience of guilt/shame or an institutional betrayal, persons who suffer from moral injury often blame themselves for an incident they did not have control over or become disillusioned and lose a sense of identity or meaning in their lives.

As previously discussed, this is common among those on the front lines of our nations conflicts who are often tasked with making life-or-death decisions amidst the fog of war.

Moral injury is so dangerous because its symptoms align with the interpersonal causes of suicide. As discussed by Thomas Joiner in his book Why People Die by Suicide, suicidal desire stems from two factors: 1) thwarted belongingness; and 2) perceived burdensomeness.

Moral injury deeply impacts both of these factors by making sufferers feel isolated due to their perceived transgression, as well as making them feel like a burden on others due to their suffering or perceived lack of propriety.

Morality, the social consensus of right and wrong, is the glue that bonds social groups. Our moral community is comprised of everyone we trust to conduct themselves in alignment with a code of unwritten rules.

Beyond the legal system, morality gets to the heart of our sense of identity and our ability to trust. It is like a sacred canopy we all stand under, giving meaning and purpose to our communal lives, to borrow a concept from Peter Berger’s definition of religion.

Beyond any religion, the moral code of universal human dignity largely governs us on a global scale.  As Karl Marlantes states in What it is Like to Go to War:

“…any conscious warrior of the future is going to be a person who sees all humanity as brothers and sisters.”

Throughout the history of human evolution, our instinctual drives recede like melting ice, exposing the fertile ground of moral consciousness. Rather than simply responding to instinctual reflexes, we now have the conscious ability to contemplate the ethical consequences of our actions.

With this evolutionary development, like the spring thaw, comes the increased responsibility of cultivation. As this moral consciousness expands to embrace an ethic of universal humanity, we must now consider others beyond our local group or nation. This consciousness forces us to readjust to a moral reality where we cannot simply label outside groups as subhuman.

One form of reaction to this increasingly globalizing world may be to simply deny an ethic of universal humanity, reaffirming a strengthened ethic of exclusion to bolster an identity based on hatred. But this merely works to cut ourselves off from our own humanity. By neglecting the humanity of others, we neglect our own humanity.

In the case of moral injury, the ethic of humanity is strongly upheld. Although it is a good thing to have a “conscious warrior,” who holds a global perspective, this awareness also makes it difficult to cope with perceived moral transgressions amidst the fog of war, causing the victim of moral injury a great deal of pain due to the experience of shame.

Shame is one of the most powerfully isolating emotions. In the case of moral injury, it cuts one off from a sense of belonging to under the sacred canopy of universal humanity. It strips one of a sense of identity as a decent human being, leading to profound sense of isolation. This is why it is so dangerous.

Recovering From Moral Injury

Luckily, there is hope of recovery. Part of this recovery requires one to recognize the broader forces that contributed to the incident in order to remove the sense of self-blame.

The need to make a decision in the fog of war is something that happens to an individual. Specialist Joe Caley, U.S. Army. 1st Cavalry, 25th Infantry realized his lack of agency, stating:

“It’s not what I did in the war, it’s what the war did to me. That was a self-revelation.”

In the book, Soul Repair: Recovering From Moral Injury After WarRita Nakashima Brock and Gabriella Lettini provide insight into the power of community in healing from moral injuries. It is this sense of community we may be sorely lacking in the modern world. They state:

In many traditional societies, all returning soldiers were required to undergo a period of ritual purification and rehabilitation before re-entering their ordinary lives after war.

Religion developed as an institutionalized means of ensuring social solidarity in traditional contexts where widely shared moral precepts regulated behaviors, integrating individuals into communal life. The Christian church developed their own version of ritual purification. The authors state:

Christian churches in the first millennium required anyone who “shed human blood” to undergo a rehabilitation process that included reverting to the status of someone who had not yet been baptized and was undergoing training in Christian faith.

This form of ritual serves powerful cognitive and communal functions. It allows individuals to process difficult experiences, facilitate grieving, and integrate the individual back into a larger communal whole.

In modern society, traditional institutions have taken a back seat to secular systems that often fall short on effective methods of reintegration. Psychological screening and preparatory transition courses are beneficial, but they focus on the head, often neglecting the metaphorical heart. Rita Nakashima Brock and Gabriella Lettini state:

…many veterans do not believe their moral struggles are psychological illnesses needing treatment. Instead, they experience their feelings as a profound spiritual crisis that has changed them, perhaps beyond repair.

The concept of spirituality often varies, but citing Robert Wuthnow in his book, After Heaven, he argues that

“…at its core, spirituality consists of all the beliefs and activities by which individuals attempt to relate their lives to God or to a divine being or some other conception of a transcendent reality.”

This concept of a transcendent reality is composed of an idea regarding the “true” nature of reality. This often anchors our moral precepts, guiding our concept of what it means to live a good life.

Traditionally, religious communities provided the foundation to our spirituality, providing us with rituals, texts, and creation narratives. In modern society, spirituality has become relatively detached from religion and many people are turning to individualized forms of experiencing the sacred.

The problem is that we cannot simply do away with institutional life and the meaning-systems that have oriented our communal lives. This is especially relevant for those undergoing fundamental life transitions, finding themselves disoriented in a world that no longer makes sense.

Whether provided by religion or a secular institution, we require a sense of the sacred to regain purpose.

In this sociological sense, the word ‘sacred’ simply refers to something collectively regarded as special, held in high regard, and is often associated with an idea of purity. A sense of service to the modern sacred ideal of universal humanity can fulfill this purpose.

When this sacred obligation is transgressed during the fog of war, individuals need to reorient themselves by grieving any losses and undergoing a form of atonement that brings them back within the sacred ideal.

At its etymological root, to atone means to be “at one.” Reentry into communal life requires one to regain a sense of service to a sacred ideal. Rita Nakashima Brock and Gabriella Lettini state:

A society that ends a war with a parade and returns to its entertainments, consumerism, celebrity worship, and casual commitments in order to forget its wars offers no purpose worth pursuing.

Harms from war are not just part of an individual diagnosis, rather, we need to look at how social processes produce individual and collective problems. This requires not only thinking more carefully about our reasons for going to war but also about the institutional gap our veterans are expected to navigate during the transition home. As one Veteran states in Soul Repair:

I belonged. I knew what was expected of me, and I had become ruthlessly proficient at fulfilling those expectations. Here I am a misfit, an aberration, isolated and alone.

Lucky, in the U.S, U.K, and now in Canada, we are making progress building transition programs that help bridge the institutional gap. Team Rubicon is making great strides allowing Veterans to regain a sense of humanitarian service through being redeployed to assist in disaster relief, allowing them to use their skills to help others in need.

Recovery from moral injury cannot happen in isolation. We need to consider forms of counseling, group therapy, and innovative programming that allows individuals to regain a sense of service upon leaving the service.

A sociological perspective may also help in recovering from moral injury.

The practical value of sociology goes beyond policy recommendations. It can help individuals recover from moral injury by changing the way they see themselves in the world, allowing them to move away from ongoing destructive feelings of shame from self-blame.

By demonstrating how larger social forces shape our private lives, sociological insight can help individuals realize they are not personally responsible for certain failures.

For example, sociology has a long history of disproving the ‘American dream’ of unrestrained economic freedom by showing how structural barriers make it more difficult for certain minority groups. Therefore, there are forces beyond their control contributing to their relative lack of privilege.

In the case of moral injury, a sociological perspective can show how an individual’s agency is influenced by broader structural forces.

Imagine the following scenario. In training, a soldier is equipped with the necessary skills to navigate difficult combat situations. In the field, these skills are put to use when the soldier decides to shoot the driver of a car speeding toward him since it appears to be a car-bomber.

Upon inspection, the driver turns out to be an innocent civilian with impaired eyesight. The civilian dies by blood loss shortly after and his family is devastated upon hearing the news. The soldier’s training had lead him to take the proper course of action since the risk was too high, but this action lead him to break his moral belief against harming non-combatants.

This cognitive dissonance results in self-blame and feelings of shame. The internal attributions of agency that occur in moral injury are destructive. In order to recover, individuals need to come to a more realistic view of their role in the conflict.

Rather than an overblown view of argentic control, the individual must come to see themselves as imperfect human beings within a complicated social environment that is impossible to navigate with certainty.

As stated before, the need to make a decision in the fog of war is something that happens to an individual.

This does not mean sociology is interested in abolishing the concept of agency and discounting guilt as an illusion. Without moral agency, individuals would be mere cogs in the social machine.

The feeling of guilt is often healthy since it means the person has high standards in their commitment to a moral code. The problem of agency arises when it is overblown and results in destructive thoughts and behaviors that prevent the individual from properly recovering from the conflict.

A sociological approach to moral injury can assist individuals in this recovery by showing how their individual lives are shaped by larger social forces.

Conclusion

Although it is not highly recognized, compared to PTSD, moral injury is an important concept when it comes to recovery from difficult moral situations in the military.

Rather than a fear-response, moral injury provokes a deep sense of guilt or shame, isolating a person from a sense of community and making them feel like a burden in life.

Because of its tenancy to isolate a person, it can be dangerous, increasing one’s risk of suicide.

Recovery from moral injury is possible and requires reintegrating the person into a sense of community, in addition to coming to terms with their position within a situation beyond their control.

If you are interested in reading more of my articles on veterans in transition, you can find them here.

Also, I have listed my favorite books on moral injury below, if you would like to read more on the topic.

Books on Moral Injury 

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