What Does it Mean to Follow Your Passion?

What Does it Mean to Follow Your Passion?

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As a millennial, I am no stranger to the idea of following your passion.

Many of us are focused on following a passion, not satisfied settling on a career for the sole sake of making money.

So what does it mean to follow your passion?

Following your passion means exploring areas that spark your interest, developing your skills in a specific area, and using those skills to contribute to something beyond yourself. 

This article explores the idea of what it means to follow your passion and considers a better path to achieving satisfaction in your career and in life.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, you can check out my resource page for suggestions on how to find help.

What is the Meaning of ‘Passion’?

Passion means sacrificial suffering as well as strong sexual desire. Referring to both sex and death, passion encompasses the cycle of life in one word.

The Latin origin of passion is “pati,” meaning “suffer,” and the word gained popularity in Christian theology referring to the sacrificial suffering of martyrs.

In the sixteenth century, passion began to refer to sexual love and a sense of strong liking or enthusiasm, seemingly the opposite of its original use. Although passion can still refer to pain and suffering – as seen in The Passion of the Christ – today, the word mainly conjures up strong connotations of pleasure and desire.

Although seemingly contradictory, the paradoxical nature of passion needs to be understood before applying it to practical issues.

The word has lost its depth in the popular personal development genre whose gurus overemphasize states of blissful contentment. In this sense, “follow your passion” becomes a difficult piece of advice to follow since it turns one’s passion into a fleeting emotional state.

Ask Canadian teenaged boys about their passion and most of them will tell you that it’s hockey – based on a study by Robert J. Vallerand. The problem is that almost all of them will eventually need to give up the dream of playing for the NHL.

But this does not mean they failed to pursue their passion; it just means they need to realize passions are developed, not simply found. This development takes hard word.

As Cal Newport states:

“Passion comes after you put in the hard work to become excellent at something valuable, not before. In other words, what you do for a living is much less important than how you do it.”

Both passionate martyrs and passionate lovers share the ability to lose themselves in an act. One suffers the cost of great pain, while the other derives pleasure. The martyr and the lover are the archetypes of passion and we need them both when developing a passion.

Losing oneself in one’s work is not an eternal bliss. The pain and pleasure of passion are intertwined, rewarding those on the journey who persevere.

Should you Follow Your Passion?

“‘Follow your passion’ is dangerous advice.” – Cal Newport

So why is “follow your passion” bad advice?

First of all, it assumes your “passion” is a specific thing inside of you, waiting to be uncovered. In fact, it is the other way around: our passion is a byproduct of doing great work. In Drive, Daniel H. Pink makes the case that career happiness comes from having a position that allows for autonomy, mastery, and purpose.

This means we need to have a level of control over our work, feel that we are advancing our skills, and have a sense that we are contributing to a larger purpose outside ourselves.

Therefore, our passion develops with an activity, not uncovered beforehand. Defining your passion beforehand can limit potential opportunities to attain work that offers these three characteristics that facilitate career happiness.

Your passion may not be what you think…
Take the example of Gary Vaynerchuk who has been a successful entrepreneur since he could ride his bike around the block to collect cash from his various lemonade stands.

Growing up, his first passion was baseball cards. As an adolescent he learned everything there was to know about baseball cards, turning his passion into a very profitable vending business. He had dreams of opening up enough baseball card shops one day to buy the New York Jets.

Gary relentlessly pursued this passion until one day his father forced him to work a dull inventory job in the basement of his family’s liquor store.

Although this looks like a cruel injustice, it was the very thing that opened up a world of opportunities for him to peruse his passion at a larger scale than he had ever conceived.

Noticing customers in the store collected wine, he saw an opportunity and  applied the entrepreneurial sense he developed through baseball cards to wine. Becoming a wine expert, he eventually turned his small family shop into a sixty-million-dollar business. But was wine his “true” passion? Far from it.

Just like the baseball cards and the lemonade, wine was merely a vehicle to execute his relentless entrepreneurial passion. Gary Vaynerchuck has now taken the business skills to his digital marketing startup and is a strong advocate for loving what you do.

The lesson is to not define your passion too narrowly, since you might mistake the vehicle for the engine – in other words, don’t mistake the passion’s present exterior form for the passion itself.

The same can be said about defining your passion too broadly, since almost everyone can identify with a passion for “helping people.” The question then becomes the particular form your passion takes: how are you helping people?

Let your passion follow you, instead.
Getting your passion to follow you requires developing skills that offer as much value as possible.

Progressing on one’s path to mastery, based on one’s innate or developed strengths is the best way to achieve a passionate work-life. Passion is earned.

Vocations are not handed to the amateur, they are achieved by walking the path and doing the work. Vocations can be shape-shifters, outlets for one’s craft that don’t necessarily take on a stable or specified form.

In So Good They Can’t Ignore You, Cal Newport urges us to be like craftsmen of our skills. The craftsman mindset allows passion to serendipitously emerge through one’s work, distinct from the passion-centered mindset which fixates on a pre-existing set of ideal conditions. He gives the example of Steve Jobs’ “messy” career path, stating:

“Steve Jobs was something of a conflicted young man, seeking spiritual enlightenment and dabbling in electronics only when it promised to earn him quick cash.”

He became passionate in the tech business only after developing his skills in this area and walking the path to mastery.

One cannot create the spark of passion without first striking the flint. Rather than going on a passion treasure-hunt, we need to become craftsmen of our skills, as Cal Newport argues in So Good They Can’t Ignore You.

To become craftsmen of our skills, we need to engage in deliberate practice and let go of the idea that it’s going to all be an eternal state of blissful contentment. As Cal states:

“Doing things we know how to do well is enjoyable, and that’s exactly the opposite of what deliberate practice demands.”

Giving up at the first sign of strife is a surefire way to stifle a spark of passion. Instead, kindling the spark of passion into a burning desire requires remembering that the root of the word means to suffer, and building anything of significance comes at a cost.

This advice is also useful during times of transition. Rather than having your passion depend on your social role, take your passion with you to the new role and find ways to apply your unique skills to the new situation.

Like Gary’s sequence of business ventures, your vocation can take on several different external forms. The key is that you find a way to bring your unique skills to the situation and be “so good they can’t ignore you,” as Cal Newport says. This means you must understand your strengths, understand the market, and craft your strengths to align with the market.

What I Learned Developing my Passion

Here are three things I’ve learned throughout my twenties as I developed a passion for a sociological perspective on mental health and addiction.

1. Gain insight into your strengths

I didn’t realize I was going in the wrong career direction until I started looking at my strengths and seriously listening to feedback from those around me.

My strengths are slowly processing abstract information, writing, and a strong interest in highly niche philosophical areas. Becoming an academic researcher and university professor plays to my strengths. The problem was that for most of my life I had my eyes set on a career in policing because it was a secure route with a good pension and I couldn’t think of any other career ideas at the time.

At one point I also took an office admin job that I had failed at quite miserably. With its fast-paced multitasking and lack of intellectual stimulation, I can honestly say I found it easier to do a doctorate in sociology than to work in that role. Rather than trying to fit in with what everyone else is doing or what you may be expected to do, play to your strengths, even if it results in taking a less conventional route.

Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is key to setting yourself up for success later in life. Take a serious look at your life, beginning from your early childhood.

What types of things have you always been drawn to? What type of temperament or personality traits do you have? How can you use these to your competitive advantage?

Sit down with someone you trust to give you honest feedback on your strengths and weaknesses. The sooner you start playing to your strengths, the more time you will have to build on your competitive advantage and set yourself up for success in your thirties onward.

2. Develop a passion through specialized skills

There are no shortage of millennials trying to “find their passion.” twenty-somethings in America are enthralled by entrepreneurial pursuits that can bring meaning to their work-lives. The problem is that with this increasing level of flexibility there is also an increasing level of uncertainty.

Rather than trying to “follow your passion,” I say, “make your passion follow you.” This means knowing your strengths and putting in the work first, then your passion for that work will likely grow as you progress in the area.

As I neared the end of my doctoral degree in sociology, I discovered how relevant this advice truly is. Throughout my grad school career, I have been asked repeatedly, “what are you going to do with that degree?” To which I always replied, “the only job available for someone with this degree: research and teach in a university setting.”

As much as I would love to land a tenure-track professorship, I now recognize that my passion for writing, analytical inquiry, and strategic problem-solving are not dependent on the university context. I am now broadening my horizon by contributing to projects outside the walls of academia.

When your passion is based on your skills, losing your job can’t even take that away. Your passion will follow you so long as you put in the work.

3. Grind, hustle, and live simply

Gain the skills, knowledge, and networks that will lay a strong foundation for your career and social life. This requires a long-term mindset. Like the game of monopoly, the goal is to invest, invest, invest, and wait for the payout.

Long-term investment in yourself is made all the more difficult nowadays when bombarded with social media posts making it seem like everyone else is super rich and traveling all the time. Delayed gratification is a true virtue when laying the foundation for your future success.

My own version of self-investment was nine years of university education packed with reading, writing, and re-reading abstract sociological texts, coupled with rapidly consuming a large chunk of content coming out of the personal development genre.

Along the way I witnessed others around me rake in the cash at their “real jobs,” traveling the globe, and stocking designer wardrobes. Submitting to the process requires short-term sacrifices, but you will look back thanking yourself for laying a strong foundation for your own definition of success, rather than giving into short term monetary gains.

Conclusion

Stay on your path to mastery, become a craftsman of your work, and know that vocations are earned, not found. Perhaps then, instead of following your passion, your passion will start following you.

If you are interested in learning more about what it means to have a purpose, you can check out my article on the topic here: What Does It Mean to Have a Purpose?

What Does It Mean to Have a Purpose?

What Does It Mean to Have a Purpose?

On the go? Listen to the audio version of the article here:

Do you ever feel lost in life?

Or are you bored to death by a soul-destroying repetitive job requiring little to no creativity?

At moments like these, you may feel like your life lacks purpose. But what does it mean to have a sense of purpose?

A sense of purpose means dedicating yourself to a cause beyond yourself. It’s a goal that fuels your motivation in life, giving your life meaning and direction, inspiring you to make a significant contribution to the world.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, you can check out my resource page for suggestions on how to find help.

Purpose Gives Life Meaning

The psychologist Victor Frankl states that humans are driven by the necessity to seek meaning in their lives by committing to a cause or purpose outside themselves.

If an individual is unable to find a meaningful commitment, the suffering they experience leads to despair. If they are able to find a meaningful commitment, any suffering they experience will be met with resilience and the strength to preserver toward their goals.

Frankl is a living example of this philosophy since he survived two concentration camps in Nazi Germany through his commitment to the goal of rewriting and publishing his book that was nearly finished before being taken away when he entered the camp. His book can be found here: Mans Search for Meaning.

Since this drive to find meaning is essential for human beings, according to Frankl, a lack of meaning leaves an “existential vacuum” whereby one is susceptible to a state of despair.

We often ineffectively cope with this form of suffering by conforming to others, seeking simple fleeting pleasures, or by demonstrating superiority over others. All of these routes lead to unconscious suffering since they simply repress the existential vacuum produced by the lack of meaning. They do not actually fill the vacuum by creating meaning.

In other words, rather than feeling the pain, it is numbed by the temporary pleasure of stimulants, depressants, or the feeling of superiority. This is the root of addiction.

Working toward a meaningful goal is replaced by drugs, alcohol, excessive television-watching, internet games, or on the other hand, an obsession focused on success or acquiring power over others.

Purpose Gives You Direction

I often hear people accuse others of being lazy. This is especially true regarding the baby-boomers attitude toward millennials who are perceived as self-entitled brats who don’t know the value of hard work and can’t put their phones down.

“Kids today…” they say; “…they are not willing to work hard as we did.”

Is there an epidemic of laziness among today’s youth? Or is this another case of an older generation in misalignment with values, beliefs, and norms of a younger generation.

I don’t believe there an epidemic of laziness. Today’s youth are not lazy, they are lost. Unlike the baby boomers, millennials can’t rely on a standard life-course involving smooth and predictable transitions between each stage.

Baby boomers are right when they say, “the world was simpler then.” Social structures were much more stable, bound by stronger cultural norms regarding gender, sexuality, as well as the meaning of adulthood and family.

If you didn’t fit into normal gender ideals, sexual orientations, or take on normal adult responsibilities, you were probably marginalized and considered weird.

Now, everything is becoming weird. Actually, weird is the new cool. Millennials are freer to experiment with the way they present their gender, who they engage with sexually, and how they make their money.

Although we’ve seen progress regarding tolerance, millennials are now tasked with navigating a highly fluid, highly complex social milieu where there are fewer clear signposts directing them along their life-course.

Today’s youth see a multitude of paths but don’t know which way to go. Simply finishing high-school no longer guarantees a long line of employers offering you a position. Even finishing a post-secondary degree can’t guarantee that! Personally, I’ve finished three post-secondary degrees and still wonder if I’ll ever have stable employment.

There has been an explosion of both opportunity and uncertainty. Today’s youth are not lazier than the last generation’s, they are just more lost.

Human beings function best with a clear sense of direction and purpose. Remember those essay assignments in school when the teacher told you to just write whoever you want? They were always the hardest.

When the regulations are clear, students thrive. When they are vague, students flounder, put it off, or take much longer to complete the assignment. Loosely structured assignments do not cause students to become lazy; the lack of regulation makes them feel lost.

We need to look at how our social environments may be doing the same thing.

Nietzsche tells us that when we have a “why” we can overcome almost any “how”. Rather than berating millennials, calling them lazy and unmotivated, we need to consider whether or not they have something to be motivated to move toward.

In a world with so many options, we need to offer forms of institutional support that can provide direction for youth who are coming of age in this complicated age.

This may come in the form of updated career counseling classes in schools, peer-support groups for young entrepreneurs, or community programs that give young people a chance to apply and build on their unique skills.

What is the Meaning of Life Purpose?

A sense of purpose is key to living a meaningful life. It is the heart of passion and it can bring us to deeper levels of long-term happiness, providing resilience amidst great hardships.

A sense of purpose is something we often talk about wanting, seeking, or having, but it is somewhat elusive in our world of ongoing life-projects, characterized by multiple careers in a highly fluid world.

So what does purpose actually mean?

The concept of “purpose” comes from the Anglo-French “purpos” referring to an intention, aim, or goal. Broadly speaking, it can refer to purposely getting drunk on the weekend, purposely caring for your loved ones, or even purposely putting the toilet seat down; therefore, purpose is goal-oriented action.

In order to talk about the specific type of purpose I alluded to in the intro, we will need to refine the concept. But before we can refine the concept, we need to figure out the role of purpose in one’s life. This means defining the purpose of life-purpose.

In other words, the purpose of life-purpose can be called the end-goal of life-end-goals, the end of all other ends, or the ultimate end. In regular English, this simply translates to the question: why do we do what we do?

Luckily, Aristotle is a handy tool that can be used to fix this particular type of philosophical entanglement. Aristotle states that happiness is the ultimate end, meaning that all other goals are in some way directed toward the goal of happiness.

Therefore, the purpose of life-purpose is happiness. But before moving further, we need to look at what Aristotle means by happiness.

Distinct from hedonistic fleeting pleasures, Aristotle conceptualizes happiness as “eudemonia” which translates to “good spirit,” or in other words, “living well.” For Aristotle, living well/ living a good life means living virtuously in accordance with one’s reason, based on his ethics of moderation laid out in the Nicomachean Ethics.

To summarize the conceptual progress thus far, we can say that the purpose of life-purpose is to direct one toward living a good life. Therefore, a sense of purpose in life is distinct from the sense of purpose one feels during everyday goal-oriented tasks like grocery shopping because it acts as an overarching meta-purpose.

What this means is that it is a purpose that shapes all other purposes in alignment with an idea of the good. For example, if one’s life-purpose is heavily governed by a commitment to the flourishing of one’s children, one’s goals while grocery-shopping may be shaped by this overarching goal, moderating the type of foods one chooses to buy.

Therefore, the function of life-purpose is regulative. It curbs our short term desires/ hedonic purposes in order to align our actions in accordance with a conception of the good.

To again recap, I first established that the purpose of life-purpose is to direct one toward a conception of a good life. I then established that life-purpose has a regulatory function. Since both its purpose and function are morally regulative, life-purpose can also be called, “moral purpose.”

Aristotle refers to the concept of moral purpose when he states: Character is that which reveals moral purpose, exposing the class of things a man chooses or avoids. Aristotle’s virtue ethics places a strong emphasis on character development through individual will-power.

I want to pose a sociological counterbalance to Aristotle’s existentialism. In other words, I want to go deeper into the concept of moral purpose by demonstrating its social basis.

Sociologically, the concept of morality is strongly rooted in the work of Emile Durkheim. Similar to Aristotle, Durkheim makes a link between morality and happiness:

But it appears fairly certain that happiness is something besides a sum of pleasures. Pleasure is local; it is a limited affection of a point in the organism or conscience. In short, what happiness expresses is not the momentary state of a particular function, but the health of physical and moral life in its entirety.

For Durkheim, making fleeting pleasures one’s primary purpose is to live in a constantly unsatisfied anomic state of unregulated desire:

Unlimited desires are insatiable by definition and insatiability is rightly considered a sign of morbidity. Being unlimited, they constantly and infinitely surpass the means at their command; they cannot be quenched. Inextinguishable thirst is constantly renewed torture. To pursue a goal which is by definition unattainable is to condemn oneself to a state of perpetual unhappiness.

Although complete happiness is a goal that is unattainable, the goal of eudemonia is a distinct pursuit since it is the end at which all things aim. The pursuit itself is the fulfillment of eudemonia, not an end-goal.

Although Aristotle and Durkheim share a comparable definition of happiness, Durkheim is a helpful tool for getting at the social source of moral purpose, distinct from its manifestation through individual willing. In other words, Durkheim helps us understand the types of social environments that facilitate moral purpose.

Durkheim states, “for the sentiment of duty to be fixed strongly in us, the circumstances in which we live must keep us awake.” He places emphasis on the importance of strong social bonds that facilitate a sense of duty. Examples include religious life (in traditional contexts) and one’s occupational group (in modern contexts). Durkheim states:

…when community becomes foreign to the individual, he becomes a mystery to himself, unable to escape the exasperating and agonizing question: to what purpose?

For Durkheim, moral purpose is bound up with community life.

Put simply, purpose means having a goal that regulates individual action, in accordance with the values of a broader social environment.

How to Build a Sense of Purpose

These days, we’re always being told to find our passion. I think this is pretty bad advice.

It’s like telling someone who is unhappy to simply “find happiness”. If you’re trying to find your passion in a fog of purposelessness, you’re likely going to stumble around in a directionless haze, tormented by frustration.

Lacking purpose is an issue for many groups including the elderly, retirees, veterans, former high-level athletes, recent graduates, or those going through a mid-life crisis.

Erik Erikson described this phenomenon as the conflict of identity vs. role confusion, experienced in adolescence. I would go further than Erikson and argue this is not just an adolescent issue, but a universal issue that can be experienced at any age. Our sense of self is influenced by our social roles, so any kind of major life transition can provoke an identity crisis, affecting our sense of purpose.

So what is the antidote to purposelessness? Make yourself useful!

In theory, it sounds easy. It’s not too hard to find someone needing help. The problem is that you can’t be useful to anyone else if you’re not being useful to yourself first. So here is step one:

Be useful to yourself. Take care of your basic needs. organize the clutter in your physical environment and the chaos in your day-to-day life. Prioritize your sleep, nutrition, and exercise. If all of this sounds overwhelming, start small. As Jordan Peterson says, “Clean your damn room!” But as he also says, “Cleaning up your room involves cleaning up far more than your room.” Doing something useful for yourself is the first step in reorienting yourself amidst the mental fog of purposelessness. As the fog begins to thin out, you can start to see beyond yourself. This leads to step two:

Be useful to your family or close friends. Once you’re adequately useful to yourself and can help from a place of genuine giving, you can be useful to others close to you. I mention “genuine giving” because many people try to be useful to others without addressing their own needs first. This often results in codependent relationships where you do things for others to fill a lack of self-esteem in yourself. It is an experience of toxic shame where we constantly feel the need to prove ourselves and receive external validation. Once you’ve worked through these personal issues and can engage in close interpersonal relationships based on genuine heartfelt giving, the next step is this:

Be useful to the broader society. Once you’ve addressed your personal needs and can be of service to those closest to you, you can be useful to the broader society. This may happen in various ways. You can be useful in your work, volunteer roles, leisure activities, or even as an activist contributing to some form of social change. The key is that your way of contributing fits your unique personal strengths. Misalignment between your strengths, values, and interests can hinder your level of usefulness and the resulting level of purpose you feel toward the role. Finding alignment between your abilities and your role requires first knowing your strengths and cultivating them.

Since I recently turned thirty, I can say this is the greatest lesson I’ve learned during my twenties. Throughout the past decade of post-secondary education, I’ve had to constantly adjust the focus of my sociological studies to keep the purpose alive.

In the beginning, it was hard to imagine how sociology could be useful beyond the walls of academia, but that didn’t matter at the time. As in step one (be useful to yourself), sociology helped me make sense of the world, improved my critical thinking skills, and built my knowledge of history, politics, and human behavior. I learned how to write, how to present, and how to conduct myself in a professional environment.

Studying sociology was useful for me, but once I started my doctoral program, I questioned whether this was enough. It was hard to see how theorizing about “modernist discourses in a post-structural context” was useful to the broader world. Social theory often turns into an intellectual game of 3D chess played among career academics creating ever-new cleverly articulated problems that may or may not have any relation to the world outside the ivory tower. Luckily, I learned a lot while becoming skillful in the art of intellectual language games, but I had only been useful to myself.

After the first year of my doctoral program, my purpose became foggy. I asked myself, “What is the purpose of a university?” I knew the answer had to be something beyond self-enrichment, but I had become so entangled in theoretical jargon, I couldn’t even come up with a real problem to study. Here is an embarrassing excerpt from my original dissertation proposal draft:

“I will address the cultural meaning of technology in the context of recent developments in prosthetic technologies…. Building on the calls for a sociology of impairment that goes beyond the impairment/ disability dualism, while remaining critical of technological progress by engaging in a sociology of the prosthetic in order to consider the cultural meaning of technological enhancement for bodies marked as impaired.”

I was deep in the fog and couldn’t connect my own skills and interests to a broader social need. If you’ve been following my blog, you may know by now that I have come a long way since then. By the end of my second year, I began reading war memoirs and discovered that many veterans are having serious issues adjusting to civilian life. They were struggling to find purpose in a world where they no longer feel useful. This was the moment I knew what I needed to study. I could make myself useful by shedding light on this important issue.

Shortly after discovering a renewed sense of purpose, I started this blog. It has served as a way to work through ideas in dialogue with non-sociologists, helping me keep my focus relevant and in touch with real issues.

Since graduating three years ago, I’ve learned how to be useful in therapeutic contexts, working directly with individuals who suffer from an addiction. As I continue learning and practicing, hopefully, my usefulness grows, fueling a sense of purpose.

I never expected to end up in the addictions field. Simply trying to find a passion was not enough. I had found a passion for sociology but needed to rethink my usefulness to maintain the passion.

If you have lost your passion for something or are struggling to regain a sense of purpose after a major life transition, consider how you can make yourself useful to yourself, your family, and the broader society.

As Emerson states, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful…”. When you put happiness first, you find disappointment. When you put usefulness first, happiness follows.

A Sense of Purpose Can Save Your Life

“If you try to do only for yourself, you’ll only get so far in life. If you reach out to touch other people, you can fix your own soul.“ Bryan A. Wood

This idea was inspired by a comment from a fellow blogger who said this philosophy saved his life. He writes:

…once I’ve accepted that my life is fundamentally expendable, no longer worth living, I get on with it and do what I can, each act of generosity makes me feel better about myself, rebuilds my confidence if not my validity, sometimes it’s a long hike, a very long time alone.

when a caller at a distress centre where I volunteered asked once if I had found my own reason for living after my own bouts with myself, I answered that maybe it was to be there to help him, where would he be if I weren’t? I think that helped us both.

I’ve encountered this same sentiment of salvation through service in my interviews with Canadian veterans of Afghanistan. Upon leaving the military, one veteran stated:

You lose the sense that you are serving your country. Serving your country tends to be an undervalued activity, but it is one that veterans have embraced. Unlike any other profession, they put their life on the line. What they are looking for is something like what they just left, and that doesn’t exist anymore, so that’s why so many people don’t actually leave the military; they go to the reserves or they go into organizations that deliver projects to the military or they go on as trainers.

This individual stated that his step-son who also served in the Canadian Forces valued service and that although he embraced the value of his generation of making a lot of money in the banking industry, his heart was in public service and he spent a great deal of his spare time serving his military reserve-unit.

With service comes a sense of contribution. Therefore, losing the community one served creates a need to regain a sense of contribution. As one veteran states: “no one tells us, ‘hey, you’re still worthy of making a contribution.'” Facilitating social environments that give veterans the opportunity to apply their skills in civilian professions allows them to potentially regain a sense of service, reducing the risk of suicide in this population.

People die by suicide because of a sense of thwarted belonging and a perceived sense of “burdensomeness“ as discussed by Thomas Joiner. Therefore, even individuals who belong to a supportive group and are surrounded by loved ones may still be at risk of suicide of they feel like a burden to these people. The opposite of burdensomeness is the sense of meaning and purpose that comes with contribution/ service to a cause larger than oneself. A sense of meaning through service provides psychological resilience amidst the darkest states of suffering.

Conclusion

A sense of purpose means finding a sense of commitment to a goal or cause beyond yourself. When you lack a sense of purpose, you feel lost, unmotivated, and have difficulty finding meaning in life. Addictions are a common way to cope in the short term, compounding the issue in the long term.

If you are lacking a sense of purpose, it might be helpful to consider ways to make yourself useful. This does not necessarily mean waiting until you have advanced skill-sets. You can simply start by being useful to yourself and those around you.

What is Social Health?

What is Social Health?

As a sociologist, I’ve been interested in the concept of social health. By this, I refer to the health of a social environment, including issues related to poverty or social isolation. While mental health has been gaining attention in the recent decade, we have been neglecting the importance of social health. Social health important since the health of a social context affects the physical and mental health of an individual. By improving the health of our communities, individuals are empowered to live healthier lives, filled with a sense of purpose and belonging.

What is Social Health?

Social health is the ability of a social context to foster interdependent social relations in a way that meets the needs of individuals and the needs of the broader group. In order to explore what this means, let’s consider what it means to be healthy. There are many perspectives on health: biological, psychological, and sociological.  We are familiar with the idea of physical health and mental health, but we often forget that our societies are also living organisms, in need of checkups, diagnoses, and treatment. So what is a healthy society? A healthy society as one that is socially integrated in a way that meets our basic physical and psychological needs, facilitating a sense of higher purpose. This is a sociological take on Abraham Maslow’s view:
The good or healthy society would then be defined as one that permitted man’s highest purposes to emerge by satisfying all his basic needs.
For Maslow, his famous hierarchy ranks these needs from the most basic to the most advanced. I don’t necessarily agree with his strict rank ordering and a 2011 study on the topic confirms this skepticism. Throughout my research on suicide, I’ve come to see how social needs are as important as our biological need for food. Those whose social needs are not met may find themselves at risk of dying by suicide. Although I agree with Maslow’s broader theory of human flourishing, I prefer to draw on more recent psychological research on our basic social needs. According to Self-determination theory, we have three basic social/psychological needs: competence, autonomy, and relatedness. Competence consists of the sense that one has specific skills and is progressing in their abilities. A healthy social environment provides worthy goals with clear guidelines that act as signposts to human action. Without socially sanctioned signposts regulating our actions, individuals may feel lost or purposeless. The classic sociologist, Emile Durkheim, writes:
All man’s pleasure in acting, moving and exerting himself implies the sense that his efforts are not in vain and that by walking he has advanced. However, one does not advance when one walks toward no goal, which is the same thing when his goal is infinity.
Consider any worth-while goal or endeavor and you will quickly realize it is marked by the stamp of social values. Our goals are often regulated by what is deemed valuable to a particular social context. Although we need social regulation to give us purpose and a sense of contribution, this does not mean we need to simply conform, bringing us to the next fundamental need: Autonomy consists of feeling that one is in control of one’s own actions. In sociological terms this means social regulations are not overbearing and fatalistic. Although autonomy is important, too much of it can produce individualistic social contexts where individuals no longer feel connected to a broader community. This brings us to the last fundamental need: Relatedness consists of the sense that one can depend on a close circle of other individuals. In his classic sociological text, Suicide, Durkheim states:
“…when community becomes foreign to the individual, he becomes a mystery to himself, unable to escape the exasperating and agonizing question: to what purpose?”
Interdependence is the key to a healthy social context that balances individual needs with the needs of the group. Interdependence requires goal alignment between the individual and the group. As stated in my article addressing the question, What is a healthy identity?:
“…the military is a great example of institutionalized interdependence. Identities are built within a system of distinct, yet related, roles where one’s unique skills, abilities, preferences, and character, all contribute to an organization with functional capacities beyond the sum of its individual parts.”
Image result for society
Unfortunately, interdependence is easily forgotten in modern individualistic social contexts: We forget we are all in the same boat. Although we are individuals, social forces affect us all. Interdependence works on many levels: organizationally, nationally, and globally. Healthy societies are like living organisms, institutions and organizations are the organs, and individuals are the cells that compose the organs. Societies interact with other societies, just as our bodies interact with other bodies; organizations interact with other organizations, just as our bodily organs interact; and individuals interact with other individuals, just as our cells interact. Social health consists of a world of interdependent social relations. It is a world where social environments facilitate individual flourishing. A world where economies work to fulfill human needs, rather than a world where human needs are sidelined at the expense of economies.

Social Health Affects Physical Health

Physical health issues are intertwined with social health issues. Consider loneliness, a major aspect of social health. Recent research looked at the impact of loneliness as a risk factor for mortality and found:
Current evidence indicates that heightened risk for mortality from a lack of social relationships is greater than that from obesity.
The researchers also found loneliness is comparable to other health indicators, including substance abuse, responsible sexual behavior, mental health, injury and violence, environmental quality, immunization, and access to health care. Although studies are now mounting regarding the risk of social isolation, it is a relatively neglected issue. The researchers note:
The current status of research on the risks of loneliness and social isolation is similar to that of research on obesity 3 decades ago.
Luckily, sociology is often incorporated into medical school training, giving clinicians an understanding of how our bodies, minds, and social environments are interrelated. There has been progress in this regard, but in practice, physicians often emphasize the biological component at the expense of the psychological and the social. If we want to understand human thriving, the social component is essential. According to an 80 year long Harvard study that followed a group of individuals since their college years, the quality of our close social relations is the best predictor of health and happiness:
“..people’s level of satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 was a better predictor of physical health than their cholesterol levels were.
In a TED Talk on the study, Robert Waldinger emphasizes the dangers of social isolation, stating:
Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.
This is all the more concerning, given the increasing rates of social isolation in affluent societies, particularly among the aging population. Modern conveniences allow us to live more independently than ever, but we need to consider the costs to our mental and physical health. We need to consider the health of our communities.

Social Health Affects Mental Health

“Mental health cannot be defined in terms of the adjustment of the individual to his society, but, on the contrary, must be defined in terms of the adjustment of society to the needs of man.“ – Erich Fromm
In The Sane Society, Erich Fromm advocates a radical approach to mental health that goes against mainstream psychiatry. He argues that the psychiatric approach to mental health assumes the problem is the individual’s inability to adapt to their environment, neglecting the fact that the social environment might itself be the problem. Building on Karl Marx’s theory of alienation, Fromm argues that individuals in modern industrial society are compelled to take on an alienating “marketing personality”. This is a self-centered approach to social relations whereby individuals focus on what they can get from others, rather than what they can contribute to others. This orientation is characterized by a lack of loving relations, according to Fromm. In his book, The Art of Loving, Fromm defines love as the ability to go beyond one’s own self interest and work toward collective goals. Fromm says that one must courageously throw oneself into loving relations based on faith in collective values in order to overcome feelings of loneliness that commonly plague the modern individual with the marketing personality. By engaging in loving relations, one is able to fulfill the basic needs of human beings, according to Fromm:
“…the need for relatedness, transcendence, rootedness, the need for a sense of identity and the need for a frame of orientation and devotion.”
Although loving relations are ideal, they are difficult to engage in since modern industrial society drives individuals to to engage in individualistic competition with everyone else, or drives them to seek simple pleasures and conformity to a safe, comfortable, but ultimately alienating relation. Fromm’s approach to mental health is radical since it targets the root causes of many existentially oriented mental health concerns and the human need to meaningfully connect with others. Loneliness is one of the most dangerous states, and our relations with one another through the marketing personality perpetuates the failure to connect. The feeling of productivity by getting ahead of others is a temporary satisfaction that leaves one isolated in the end. The problem with mental health defined as mere adjustment is that the psychiatrist may be working to help individuals adjust to an unhealthy social condition. Over-prescribed psychiatric drugs merely work to keep the unhealthy social condition intact by numbing the individual to its psychological effects. This is comparable to constantly taking painkillers for a sore muscle resulting from poor posture. Rather than fixing the structural problem, the drug helps keep it intact. Although these drugs are still useful, their over-prescription at the expense of fixing root causes is the main concern.

Social Health Looks at Root Causes 

A sociological perspective considers with root structural causes to problems. For example, consider the root causes of crime. Here is a rough example to put this into context: Social issues (open faucet) produce crime (a wet floor) and the police are dispatched to deal with it (the mop). One way to deal with crime is to dispatch more police to clean up the mess. Although it makes sense to dispatch more mops, we need to consider the root cause of the problem and turn off the faucet. Sociologically, the means studying the social issue producing the problem. Politically, it means implementing a viable policy to prevent the problem. Crime will never be completely eliminated. People will make bad decisions, and police are necessary to ensure individuals are punished. But focusing on enforcement at the expense of prevention neglects the root causes.

Social Health Goes Beyond the Individual 

Consider the difference between the following two statements:
“Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself.“ Jean-Paul Sartre “…it is society which, fashioning us in its image, fills us with religious, political and moral beliefs that control our actions.” – Emile Durkheim
Is man self-made, or made by society? Do we have free-will to guide his own destiny, or is his fate dictated by larger social forces? These questions have divided people for decades. Existentialists such as Sartre stand strong on the side of radical individualism (as seen in the quote above), whereas Sociologists such as Durkheim talk about “collective currents” having the potential to sweep individuals into religious fervor, or  on the other hand, drive them to suicide. The existential perspective has gained recent popularity in the personal-development field. Tony Robbins fully embraces the existential theme of individual autonomy in his books, Unlimited Powerand Awaken the Giant Within. On the other hand, the sociological perspective has gained recent popularity in movements advocating for social justice. Strong adherents to the existential perspective often view the sociological perspective as a way to avoid taking responsibility for one’s problems by blaming a part of society (e.g. the rich or the government). On the other hand, strong adherents to the sociological perspective often view the existential perspective as failing to get to the root of a problem (e.g. focusing on one’s own success while neglecting unjust structural relations). Personally, I am deeply invested in both of these perspectives and believe they are complimentary. As both a Sociologist and personal-development genre fan, I’ve often felt like I’ve been living in two different worlds. Although I felt these perspectives were complimentary, I had not been able to articulate how until reading the work of Victor Frankl. Victor Frankl, an Existential Psychologist, survived three Nazi concentration camps and lived to write about the experience in his book, The Will to Meaning. In the first half of the book he details his experience in the concentration camps, stressing his unshakable drive to survive so that he could publish the manuscript he had written before his captivity. In the second half he describes his perspective on the human psyche, building on the prevailing psychotherapeutic theories of Freud by asserting the need for a logo-therapeutic approach to psychological despair. Frankl claims despair is suffering without meaning. In order to fix an individual’s psychological despair, that individual must find meaning by serving a cause outside of one’s self. It is the individual’s responsibility to come to that meaning themselves, and logotherapy was designed to assist the individual in their search. When an individual acquires this sense of meaning, the suffering does not go away, but it no longer leads to despair. Frankl repeatedly emphasizes the need of the individual to take responsibility for one’s attitude:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms  to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Although his commitment to the ideals of existentialism are clear, Frankl is highly cognoscente of the problem with meaning in  the Modern West. He calls this the existential vacuum. Frankl Defines the existential vacuum as the diminishing importance of tradition in the Modern West. No longer being told what to believe by tradition, individuals are left to find their own personal meaning in life. The growth of cultural freedom must be balanced with responsibility for one’s own existential well-being. Frankl states:
“I recommend that the Statue of Liberty be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the west coast.”
Although this call to individual responsibility may echo the individualism of Jean-Paul Sartre, Frankl disagrees with Sartre’s belief that men can create their own standards. In his book, Man’s Search for Ultimate Meaninghe states:
“The self cannot be its own law giver. Sartre believed that man can choose and design himself by creating his own standards. However, to ascribe to the self such a creative power seems to be still within the old idealistic tradition.”
So where do these standards come from, if not from the self? Frankl’s answer is an unconscious religiousness, and he goes on to discuss a transcendent source, using the word “God” or “spiritual source”. Although Frankl uses religious language, this “transcendent source” can also be interpreted in a non-religious way. For example, one’s community may serve as a transcendent power beyond oneself as an individual. Rather than a transcendent mystical thing, Durkheim discusses spirituality as the experience of “collective effervescence” a word he uses to describe the high an individual may experience when engulfed in collective action. In The Elementary Forms of Religious Life, Durkheim states:
Howsoever complex the outward manifestations of the religious life may be, at bottom it is one and simple. It responds everywhere to one and the same need, and is everywhere derived from one and the same mental state. In all its forms, its object is to raise man above himself and to make him lead a life superior to that which he would lead, if he followed only his own individual whims: beliefs express this life in representations; rites organize it and regulate its working.
In The Division of Labour in Society, Durkheim expands on his belief that our moral regulations are necessarily social by considering the rise in occupational groups that will take the place of religion as a source of integration and regulation in the modern context. This, I believe, is the key to Frankl’ss own sense of meaning. Fixated on finishing his psychological manuscript, Frankl maintained resilience while in the concentration camps. But the value of finishing the manuscript was far from his own creation; the value laid in the fact that it represented a significant contribution to the field of Psychology, advancing human knowledge, and helping countless generations after the war. Frankl’s sense of purpose was directly bound up with his social role as a psychologist. The meaning he found in his work was bound up with the social value it held. Although it is an individual’s responsibility to make something of themselves, the individual’s social context sets the stage for meaningful action.

Conclusion

As C.Wright Mills has stated, the domain of sociology is:
“to translate personal troubles into public issues.”
Social health is important because our societies are living organisms. Like a physical organism, social life can develop pathological characteristics, resulting in damage to the individual parts that make up the organism. There have been huge advances in medicine and mental health in recent decades, but health of our societies cannot be neglected. We are on the verge of the most severe mental health crises in decades and it can be directly attributed to changes in our social environments. If you would like to read more about how our new social environments affect mental health, you can check out my article, Why We Are Addicted To Social Media: The Psychology of Likes.
What is the Deeper Meaning of Identity?

What is the Deeper Meaning of Identity?

On the go? Listen to the audio version of the article here:

As a sociologist, the concept of identity has been an important part of my research. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that a simple dictionary definition does not explain the depth of the various forms of identity.

Digging through the academic literature on identity, I’ve developed a deeper understanding of the meaning of identity and its multiple forms.

What is the deeper meaning of identity?

Identity can be defined in three different ways: self-identity, social-identity, and role-identity. Self-identity is how you identify with your personal characteristics, social-identity is how you identify with a group, and role-identity is how you identify with a particular social role.

Self-identity is generally what people refer to when they talk about identity. It is your thoughts about your personal characteristics, interests, and skills. For example. one may identify as being an outgoing person who is skilled in a particular area of study.

Social-identity is how you identify as a member of part of a larger group. For example, one may identify as being a fan of a particular sports team.

Role-identity is probably one of the least discussed forms of identity and consists of how you identify with a particular role within a larger system. For example, one may identify as being part of a particular workplace.

Role identity is distinct from social identity since it consists of having a particular purpose within a larger system rather than merely identifying with a broader category, like being a sports fan.

Let’s dig deeper into the research to gain a better understanding of the meaning of identity and what constitutes a healthy identity.

What is a Healthy Identity?

Healthy identities are interdependent, whereas unhealthy identities are dependent.

Dependent identities are found in seeking external praise and are sought as a way to escape from an inner sense of low self-worth.

Interdependent identities are one’s secure sense of one’s own values and skills and a sense that one is connected with a broader social group.

Unhealthy dependent identities are often found in codependent relationships. In Women, Sex, and AddictionCharlotte Kasl defines codependency as the following:

…someone whose core identity is underdeveloped or unknown, and who maintains a false identity built from dependent attachments to external sources — a partner, a spouse, family, appearances, work or rules. These attachments create both the illusion of a self and a form from which to operate… to survive in a world defined by others… (knowing) more about those in power than about himself or herself.

Codependent relationships are mutually destructive. In the case of addiction, a caregiver’s sense of self-worth may be dependent on taking care of a substance-dependent individual, enabling their addiction.

Codependency is self-destructive since the caregiver’s lack of self-esteem and personal boundaries leads to a state of personal neglect, resentment, and sense of victimhood.

So what makes a healthy interdependent identity?

“Interdependence” refers to our ability to work together in complimentary roles, becoming more than the sum of our individual parts. As Erik Erikson states:

Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.

Healthy identities maintain a balance between authentic personal boundaries and social contribution.

This means they are simultaneously independent and related, rooted in a fundamental sense of self-worth.

Let’s dig deeper into the concept of self-worth and look at how it is affected by our social contexts.

How Self-worth Affects Identity

Those growing up in dysfunctional family environments may lack a fundamental sense of self-worth, causing them to seek a sense of significance in ways that are unhealthy, unsustainable, and dependent on external validation.

To gain a sense of significance, some take on the hero role, seeking praise for their achievements. Some become jokesters, making others laugh while suppressing their inner turmoil. Some become rebels, seeking approval from deviant peer-groups. Lastly, some may retreat into isolated fantasy worlds. These family roles are highlighted in the book Another Chance by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse.

Coming from a dysfunctional family plagued by addiction, individuals take on one or more of the above roles, carrying the negative long-term effects into adulthood.

These may include underdeveloped coping strategies, low self-esteem, acting out, attention-seeking, self-isolation, drug use, gambling and sexual addiction, hoarding, work addiction, codependency, in addition to heightened levels of mental health issues including depression and anxiety.

Overcoming these negative effects requires confronting the unique role one has played throughout childhood, develop personal boundaries, and regain a sense of significance.

Let’s take a closer look at the hero role mentioned previously.

One way individuals attempt to gain a sense of self-worth is through the identity of the hero. At an early age, this consists of over-achievement and praise seeking, but can later turn into codependency. This occurs when the individual becomes dependent on an addict/alcoholic for their sense of identity.  

Under the guise of being “the responsible one”, they feel like a victim, living in a state of anxiety amidst the chaos of addiction. The enabler feels like they need to hold everything together, taking on extra responsibilities, while trying to change the alcoholic through manipulation that quickly fails, breeding discontent.

“If I don’t do it, who else will?” the enabler asks.

While they manage to hold the dysfunctional household together, they are also unknowingly contributing to the addiction by making excuses for the addict, taking on the extra responsibilities so the addict does not experience the full negative consequences of their behavior.

Specific enabling behaviors may include calling the addict’s workplace to lie about why the addict cannot show up, taking on extra employment to compensate for financial strain, in addition to keeping the household in working order to compensate for the addict’s neglect. This role sacrifices one’s personal boundaries, leading to resentment.

The identity of the victimized hero provides a false sense of self-worth, rooted in a mutually destructive codependent role. 

Without the enabler, the addict faces the full consequences of their behavior; without the addict, the enabler loses the unhealthy foundation to their false identity that protects them from having to experience their inner lack of self-worth. Their high achievements and/or moral excellence in the eyes of others provide external validation, but this is still only a thin veneer hiding their inner guilt and sense of “not being enough”.

Frustrated, they may project their inner criticisms of themselves onto others. Like the Jungian Shadow, they despise in others what they truly despise most in themselves.

This criticism of others causes resentment among others who begin to perceive the hero as arrogant and difficult to be around because of the high expectations placed on them. But this high expectation of others is a projection used to cope with their high expectations of themselves.

The problem is that the expectations of the hero are just as unattainable for others as they are for the hero, leading to a spiral of constant disappointment and distancing social relations.

If you are interested in reading more about this topic, you can check out my article, The Ultimate Guide to Helping Someone Change

Identities gained from toxic roles fueled by a low sense of self-worth are the opposite of identities gained from healthy roles fueled by a secure sense of self-worth.

Rather than being drawn to play a dysfunctional role to gain a sense of self-worth, individuals who have a sense of self-worth pursue healthy roles and maintain a sense of personal boundaries. Secure attachments during early childhood foster this fundamental sense of self-worth.

What Veterans Can Teach Us About a Healthy Identity

The military is a great example of institutionalized interdependence. Identities are built within a system of distinct, yet related, roles where one’s unique skills, abilities, preferences, and character, all contribute to an organization with functional capacities beyond the sum of its individual parts.

So if military identities are interdependent, why do so many veterans suffer from an identity crisis upon transition? Wouldn’t this imply their identities are dependent, and therefore, unhealthy?

In some cases, veterans do hold onto a dependent identity. Not all serving-members enter with a strong fundamental sense of self-worth. They may use the military similar to a ‘codependent’ or a ‘hero’.

With it’s promise of heroic honor and national pride, individuals who lack a fundamental sense of self-worth or belonging may find themselves attracted to this type of role.

Although this may occur, identity crisis upon transition is not simply a matter of these particular individuals losing a dependent identity.

Veterans who have a strong fundamental sense of self-worth and construct interdependent role identities within the military may also experience an identity crisis upon transition.

This is not because their identities are dependent, but because the social conditions within which they are able to contribute are taken away. In occupational limbo, they maintain a military identity without yet having built a sense of interdependence within the civilian world.

This is one of the major lessons I learned throughout my research on Veterans in Transition. The modern world is full of uncertainty and individualism.

If you are interested in this topic, check out the my Veterans in Transition articles.

Although veterans highlight this issue, it is something that can be experienced by anyone living in the modern world.

How Identity Crisis is a Social Issue

Without the clearly defined social roles and strict moral guidelines of the past, we find ourselves constantly moving in and out of new roles in the modern world.

Job-hopping was once a sign of an under-performing employee; but now, job-hopping has become the norm. Millennials are expected to have six different jobs on average, throughout their adult life.  

Whether we like it or not, we are forced to constantly redefine ourselves and our place in the world. Erik Erikson coined the term ‘identity crisis’ to describe this phenomenon.

Writing in the mid-twentieth century, Erikson generally reserved the concept of identity-crisis for the adolescent stage of development. Now, characteristics associated with the adolescent stage are extending into all areas of life. Teenagers are no longer the only ones trying to find themselves.

Established professionals no-longer find themselves in the stable work-arrangements once known when baby-boomers were moving into the job market. Even baby-boomers are now forced to adjust to this new social environment.

Many have either lost their jobs due to outsourcing, had to redefine their role due to the changing demands of the high-tech workplace, deciding to change jobs to take on more fulfilling work, or are retiring and are trying to redefine their new role outside of the professional world.

Identity and role confusion are no longer limited to the adolescent stage of the life-course. It is a social phenomenon affecting every stage in the life-course.

Perhaps we can call this the adolescentification of society. We are all engaged in the work of identity negotiation and renegotiation, trying to find our place in a shifting social order.

If you are interested in reading more on the topic of uncertainty in the modern world, you can check out my article, Finding Purpose in Uncertain Times.

How an Unhealthy Identity is Constructed on Social Media

Recall the roles often played to gain validation in the family context. Some take on the hero role, seeking praise for their achievements. Some become jokesters, making others laugh while suppressing their inner turmoil. Some become rebels, seeking approval from deviant peer-groups. Lastly, some may retreat into isolation.

These same roles can be played in the context of social media.

Hero roles can be sought in social media. 

Previously, I talked about heroes as perfectionists and high achievers, seeking parental validation. Beyond this limited definition, social media heroes come in many forms, seeking external validation through posts.

Recent neurological research used functional neuroimaging data finding “gains in reputation” to be the primary reward stimulus for individuals displaying compulsive social media use. In simple terms, seeking self-worth through likes.

Using social media for validation makes us less satisfied. 

A 2016 study surveyed 1787 19-32 year old men and women, finding social media use was “was significantly associated with increased depression.” Another 2016 study found “taking a break from Facebook has positive effects on the two dimensions of well-being: our life satisfaction increases and our emotions become more positive.”

How you use social media makes a difference.  

According to another 2016 study on the correlation between Facebook and well-being found, “specific uses of the site were associated with improvements in well-being.” So what made the difference? Individuals who used Facebook to build relationships with strong ties received the benefits, while those who used it for wide broadcasting did not.

If you are interested in reading more on this topic, you can check out my article, Why We Are Addicted To Social Media: The Psychology of Likes.

Conclusion

We need to recognize how the roles we play influence our identity.

In addition, we need to recognize how our fundamental sense of self-worth affects the type of roles we take on. Our self-worth can be damaged by toxic family environments, in addition to a host of additional forms of social violence and traumas.

Prevention requires combating these negative social influences and being mindful of the roles we play.

Role-identity is the intersection between self-identity and social-identity.

It is a form of self-concept tied to our place within a functional or dysfunctional social system.

An unhealthy identity stems from a fundamental lack of self-worth, compensated by dependent relations for the purpose of external validation.

A healthy identity stems from a fundamental sense of self-worth, facilitated by interdependent relations.

Here is a summary the theoretical model I have laid out:

  1. Our identities come from the ways we define ourselves in relation to the social roles we play (Based on Erik Erickson’s concept of “Identity vs. role confusion”).
  2. If we lack a fundamental sense of self-worth, we often take on toxic roles, creating unhealthy identities.
  3. Early childhood attachment experiences significantly affect our fundamental sense of self-worth.
  4. Beyond clinical interventions and introspection, we need to consider ways to prevent these issues by facilitating better social environments, particularly among children, adolescents, and persons undergoing major life transitions.
What Are Our Social Needs?

What Are Our Social Needs?

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As a sociologist, I have been interested in what makes up our social needs. Although we have basic psychological and biological needs, our social needs are often neglected in the modern individualistic world.

What are our social needs?

As described in Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, our social needs are of the need for love and belonging. The need for love and belonging consists of a sense of connection, intimacy, trust, and friendship. 

When these social needs are fulfilled, we feel a sense of well-being. When these needs are not met, it can cause suffering and despair.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, you can check out my resource page for suggestions on how to find help.

Let’s take a closer look at why our social needs are important and how these needs can be fulfilled.

Why Social Needs are Important 

Human beings have social needs that are just as important as our biological need for food.

Just as we may risk death by starvation if we stop eating, those whose social needs are not met may find themselves at risk of a form of extreme emotional pain that leads to thoughts of suicide.

If we want to understand human thriving, the social component is essential.

According to an 80 year long Harvard study that followed a group of individuals since their college years, the quality of our close social relations is the best predictor of health and happiness:

…people’s level of satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 was a better predictor of physical health than their cholesterol levels were.

In a TED Talk on the study, Robert Waldinger emphasizes the dangers of social isolation, stating:

Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.

This situation is all the more concerning, given the increasing rates of social isolation in affluent societies, particularly among the aging population.

Modern conveniences allow us to live more independently than ever, but we need to consider the costs to our mental and physical health. We need to consider the health of our communities.

What Happens When Our Social Needs are Unmet?

Let’s do a recap on a definition of social needs. Although Maslow used the words “love and belonging,” I prefer to use a more specific definition.

Here is my sociological definition of our fundamental social need:

It is the need for a perceived sense of personal significance, achieved through a perceived sense of both social belonging and social contribution.

See the resources section below for a list of studies that have formed the empirical foundation for this theory of social needs.

When our social needs are not met, and our sense of personal significance is threatened, we compensate through fight or flight responses in an attempt to restore or escape our lost sense of significance.

Fight responses include displays of superiority and displays of power. Demonstrations of superiority include harnessing status symbols or sabotaging others, and displays of power include aggressive attempts to control or manipulate others. Flight responses include social withdrawal.

Social withdrawal is dangerous because it further diminishes the likelihood of having our social needs met, increasing the risk of suicide.

In Why People Die by Suicide, Thomas Joiner describes how intense emotional pain often comes from a perceived lack of belonging, in addition to feeling like a burden. Thwarted belonging is characterized by the statement, “I am alone.”

Thwarted belonging has two aspects: loneliness as the result of feeling disconnected from others (living alone, single, no children, etc.), and the absence of reciprocal care (family conflict, loss through death, divorce, domestic or child abuse, etc.).

As Jean Vanier states:

 “To be lonely is to feel unwanted and unloved, and therefore unlovable. Loneliness is a taste of death.”

Humans are social beings and social isolation is a form of torture. Social isolation and extreme loneliness are different than merely being alone or enjoying time to oneself.

It is a profound sense of disconnection, usually marked by shame and hopelessness about one’s ability to reconnect.

To read more about the experience of isolation contributing to suicide risk, you can check out my article, Inside the Mind of a Suicidal Person.

What Happens When Our Social Needs are Fulfilled?

When our sense of significance is fulfilled, we experience a high degree of subjective well-being, feel a strong sense of identity, belonging, interpersonal connection, social support, and maintain the sense that our efforts are contributing to a cause beyond ourselves.

Classical sociologist Ferdinand Tönnies describes the joy of community when he states that man is “his best and happiest when he is surrounded by his family and his own circle.”

In my research on veterans in transition to civilian life, this had been a common theme. Many experienced a strong sense of community in the military, fulfilling their social needs. As one veteran states:

Bullets don’t discriminate, so watching each other’s back was an unwritten rule. Everything was everyone’s and for that moment in your life it’s true communal living.

It is not coincidental that Maslow’s definition of self-actualization aligns with the Army slogan, “Be all you can be.”

Human beings are inherently social creatures and can only become the best version of ourselves when we are in communion with others. The classic sociologist, Émile Durkheim coined the concept of “homo duplex” to describes our dual nature as both individual and social:

Far from being simple, our inner life has something like a double centre of gravity. On the one hand is our individuality … On the other is everything in us that expresses something other than ourselves. Not only are these two groups of states of consciousness different in their origins and their properties, but there is a true antagonism between them.

As Matthew D. Lieberman states in his book, Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect:

“socially connected will be a lifelong need, like food and warmth.”

He goes on to state:

“Living for others [is] such a relief from the impossible task of trying to satisfy oneself.”

We are social beings by nature and find a great deal of purpose in living in service of others.

Conclusion 

Our social needs are fundamental when it comes to living a good life.

We need a perceived sense of personal significance, achieved through a perceived sense of both social belonging and social contribution.

If you are interested in reading more about our social needs, you can check out my article, The Need to be Needed.

Finding Purpose in Uncertain Times

Finding Purpose in Uncertain Times

As our modern times become ever-more chaotic, the fear of loneliness and uncertainty becomes an increasingly prominent feature in our life.

Moral certainties have turned into lines drawn in the sand and community is washed away by the waves of individualism, clearing the slate for us to write and write our own life stories.

Nietzsche proclaimed the death of God, the superiority of the church eroded, neighborhoods turned into sterile suburban refuges, and the nuclear family gave way to a plethora of novel household possibilities.

We are now free from Rousseau’s chains of tradition. We are born free and we will live free.

No longer dominated by the church, we are free to further science. No longer confined to a traditional family, we are free to form households that better fit with our unique desires.

Free from moral certitudes, our desires burst into infinity. We explore the dark corners of our subjectivity, experiment with our bodies, and seek self-identity in a multitude of fleeting social groups.

Life has exploded with complexity, yet, our fundamental desire remains the same; we just want to be happy. But now, more than ever, happiness does not bring certainty, just as certainty does not bring happiness.

We have become artists of our own lines in the sand. Amidst the tides of modernity, we are tasked with redrawing ourselves again and again, but we need to remember that we can’t do it alone.

Uncertain Community 

As the late Marina Keegan describes this in her book The Opposite of Loneliness,

“It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team… Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers – partnerless, tired, awake.â€

Unlike traditional community life, modern community is something we are responsible for forging ourselves. We find a fleeting sense of community life in our hobbies, memberships, and casual associations.

Community is ever-more fluid. Like joining a gym, you find yourself surrounded by the same people for a little while, only to find a new rotation of members the following year.

But even in these fleeting communities, if we are lucky, we can find a sense of meaning. As Marina Keegan states, “an abundance of people who are in this together”.

Uncertain Love

As our modern times become ever-more chaotic, the fear of being alone becomes an increasingly prominent feature in our life.

In The Normal Chaos of Love, Sociologists Ulrich Beck and Elisabeth Beck-Gernsheim explore how romantic love is both a bastion of uncertainty, and a place of refuge. Love itself has become increasingly chaotic in modern times with the loss of clear-cut courtship rituals.

In this age of uncertainty we are primarily driven to find and hold onto romantic love out of a fear of loneliness in a world lacking communal bonds.

In the absence of meaning, we seek fulfillment in a romantic partner. According to Ulrich Beck and Elisabeth Beck-Gernsheim:

Some powerful force has pushed its way in and filled up the gap where, according to previous generations, God, country, class, politics or family were supposed to hold sway. I am what matters: I, and You as my assistant; and if not You then some other You.

Seeking love in the intensity of Eros should not be equated with fulfillment, states Beck:

That is its glowing side, the physical thrill…. How easily having one’s hopes fulfilled can turn into a chilly gaze! Were only a moment ago overwhelming urgency made a knotted tangle of two walking taboos, merging me and you, all boundaries gone, now we are staring at one another with critical eyes, rather like meat inspectors, or even butchers who see the sausages where others see cattle and pigs.

Released from traditional norms, our desire to seek fulfillment in a loving relationship because “other social bonds seem too tenuous and unreliable.â€

As this desire grows with increasing individualization, its fulfillment is more difficult to attain amidst the ever-growing emphasis on the thrill of Eros.

Expanding on Ulrich Beck and Elisabeth Beck-Gernsheim’s characterization of love as a means to peruse, a happy “life of one’s own†in our culture of “do-it-yourself lifestyles,â€

He goes on, in The Art of Love, to state that humans are in search of a lost union with nature. We have developed large brains, giving us a high degree of self-consciousness and awareness of our own mortality. This creates an existential need for meaning in our lives which was the source of religious life. In modern times, market capitalism took the place of religion as the central organizing force:

“Modern man has transformed himself into a commodity; he experiences his life energy as an investment with which he should make the highest profit, considering his position and the situation on the personality market. He is alienated from himself, from his fellow men and from nature.â€

Just like uncertain market forces, love has become a normal chaos. Dating apps give us powerful technological tools to market ourselves to potential partners. Hookup culture has been institutionalized and fire of eros burns bright.

We are liberated from the shackles of tradition, able to peruse our unique passions in places forbidden by fading taboos. But In order to balance the potentially lonely price of freedom, we need to find meaning in Agape – a form of altruistic love that requires commitment and ongoing effort.

Kahlil Gibran said, “work is love made visible;†but love is also work made visible.

Eros without agape is lustful, while agape without Eros is ascetic. Romantic love requires the fiery passion of Eros, but amidst the institutionalized chaos of contemporary life, we must not lose sight of loyalty and commitment.

When Eros and Agape come together, Self-fulfillment is a byproduct of self-giving; not in the form of submission or domination, but as equals who respect one another and genuinely care for each other’s well-being.

This way, love can weather the darkest of life’s storms, giving refuge to those who seek solace amidst the chaos.

Uncertainty in the Professional World

Traditionally, transitions throughout the life-course have been guided by clear social expectations or rites of passage. These expectations still exist but are not nearly as clear-cut as they once were.

A post-secondary student is often expected to seek employment and an eventual marital partner after graduation, but unlike the times of highly gendered courtship rituals and readily available local careers, there are often no clear paths to follow in the transition from studenthood to professional life.

Rather than a handful of job offers, many recent graduates are forced to get creative, volunteering, moving away, or picking up applied skills with extra college courses. The strict codes of conduct that guided the life-course have been reduced to a single moral imperative: to offer value to society without harming others. This is the imperative of modern liberalism.

Modern liberalism is a double-edged sword. Its benefit is that it allows for greater social mobility, equality between diverse lifestyles, and a wider array of opportunities for individuals to pursue their unique passions. This is the modern idea of the ‘life-project’. The catch is that this modern project lacks a clear template.

As long as the individual does not pose too much of a risk to others, they will have an infinite number of opportunities to restart or change paths. This can seem quite liberating compared to the traditional one-size-fits-all life-template. Although it is liberating, the drawback is that individuals are tasked with the responsibility to figure out the direction of their project on their own, without being prepared to take on this responsibility.

Each generation experiences a gap between themselves and their parents. Just as the baby boomers experienced a significant change from the courtship expectations of their parents, children of the baby boomers are experiencing their key distinction in the transition to the work world.

The traditional school-system taught this generation’s children and adolescents that is they follow rules and perform well on tests, everything will be okay – but this is far from the case in today’s entrepreneurial economy where the rules are minimum, factual knowledge is readily accessible by simple Google searches, and success is strictly measured by the amount of value you can offer an organization.

Rather than the ability to memorize factual knowledge and follow rules, creativity and the ability to put knowledge to work are the prized possessions in today’s work world.

There is a gap between what is required to succeed in the professional world and what is taught in elementary school, high-school, and even many university programs.

The ability to sit attentively through lectures and memorize facts for an exam are not the skills we should be instilling in a generation whose major challenge is finding a creative way to offer value. The professional world requires more than obedient automatons who can regurgitate a benign set of facts they will shortly forget after an exam.

I very frequently encounter students in the social sciences struggling with the idea of writing an essay based on their own analysis of a problem. Far too many students are deeply uncomfortable coming up with an innovative idea – even in their final years of university. Today’s professional world requires innovators and problem-solvers, people who know how to use knowledge to make a positive change.

In the wake of large-scale economic uncertainty, education at all levels needs to support the new imperative to creatively offer value by taking responsibility for one’s individual life-project.

Conclusion 

Finding meaning in our uncertain modern times requires accepting the uncertainty and finding creative solutions to life’s problems.

It requires taking responsibility for our lives, forging a sense of community, and making ourselves useful, amidst an ever-changing economic landscape.

Although the chaotic nature of modern life is not our individual responsibility, we are still responsible for building our own sense of meaning and purpose.

If you would like to read more about building a sense of purpose, you can check out my article: What Does It Mean to Have a Purpose?