by Steve Rose | May 1, 2020 | Addiction and Recovery
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Lately, I’ve been thinking about the meaning of the Serenity Prayer. Although I was raised Roman Catholic and still practice occasionally, I appreciate the depth of the Serenity Prayer from a psychological perspective.
The Serenity Prayer is packed full of meaning and psychologically validated wisdom in just a few short lines. It is useful for persons in recovery from addiction, but also for anyone struggling with situations beyond their control. If you or someone you know is struggling, check out my resource page for suggestions on how to find help.
What is the meaning of the Serenity Prayer?
The Serenity Prayer means letting go of situations beyond your control and taking action toward things within your control. It also means being able to know when things are within your control and when things are beyond your control.
Let’s take a look at the Serenity Prayer, itself.
Written by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, It is most commonly quoted as the following:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”
The Serenity Prayer is based on four virtues:
- Serenity
- Acceptance
- Courage
- Wisdom
Let’s take a closer look at the meaning of these virtues from the Serenity Prayer and how you can apply them to your own life.
The meaning of serenity
Serenity is the first virtue mentioned in the Serenity Prayer and is presented as the primary goal.
Serenity comes from the root, serene, meaning calm, tranquil, peaceful, and clear/ unclouded. Serenity is a state of mental calm and clarity, where you feel at peace in the present moment, able to focus on what matters.
Being in a state of serenity is the opposite of a state of anxiety.
Anxiety pulls you out of the present moment, clouding your mind with thoughts of the past, and worries about the future. It is a state of tension and chaos.
Like anxiety, serenity is a perspective through which you view the world. The world does not need to be perfect to have mental clarity. With practice, we can approach uncertain situations through the mental lens of serenity.
As described by Kelly G. Wilson in the book, Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong:
“Learning to sit with ambiguity can be a very important start at a life liberated from anxiety—and the way to do it is to resist the urge to chase answers to questions that may actually be unanswerable.”
Learning to adopt a serene perspective takes practice. Although it takes work, the Serenity Prayer gives us direction on how to develop it.
The first step in developing serenity is acceptance.
The meaning of acceptance
In the Serenity Prayer, acceptance means letting go of things outside of your control.
We spend a lot of our lives worrying about things outside our control. A state of anxiety pulls us into not accepting reality as it is and trying to change it through constant worrying.
Mary Schmich illustrates this when she states:
“…worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.”
Worrying about things outside of our control does not actually help solve the problem. Instead, it can further entrench the problem by putting us into a state of anxiety rather than a state of serenity.
Which state is more useful amid chaos?
Although anxiety does help keep us safe by maintaining high alert for threats, it is no longer useful when spinning out of control.
If you find yourself spinning out of control, fighting with your anxiety is also counterproductive.
“I can’t feel this way!… I need to feel happy… oh no, am I getting anxious!?”
These thoughts only serve to strengthen the anxiety. Fighting with something only gives it more power over you.
So what is the most helpful approach?
Acceptance.
Russ Harris, one of the key thinkers in the practice of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), states:
“Stop trying to control how you feel, and instead take control of what you can do”
This is where the third virtue in the Serenity Prayer comes in. Let’s take a closer look at courage.
The meaning of courage
In the Serenity Prayer, courage means having the strength and determination to do what is within your control.
When faced with an obstacle, we can have one of two reactions. We can claim we are a helpless victim of circumstance, or we can take ownership of the things we do have control over.
Have you ever found yourself complaining about a bad manager? This outwardly directed blame keeps us focused on the things we do not have control over – the manager’s behavior.
Rather than pointing fingers, having the courage to look inward allows you to take responsibility for the things you do have control over. You cannot control the actions of a bad manager, but you can control how you respond. You can also control whether or not you stay in that job.
The courage to take an appropriate action does not mean the absence of fear. It means noticing the fear and carrying it with you as you take action, despite it.
Courage means living on purpose.
Not taking action is its own form of action. By not taking action, you’re allowing your life to be dictated by external forces.
As Kelly Wilson states:
“Many people live their lives by circumstance rather than on purpose.”
Courage is about taking responsibility.
See my article on Why Responsibility Is So Important for an in-depth exploration of the meaning of responsibility.
Although responsibility is important, not everything is your responsibility. In the workplace example above, it is not your responsibility to change your manager.
Also, many people have experienced traumas, marginalization, and injustices that were not their responsibility.
But as I state in my article on responsibility:
If you’ve experienced trauma leading to mental health issues, you are not responsible for the problem, but you are responsible for being part of the solution.
The key is knowing the difference between something that is your responsibility and something that is not.
This brings us to the final virtue in the Serenity Prayer: wisdom.
The meaning of Wisdom
In the Serenity Prayer, wisdom means knowing what is within your control and what is not within your control.
Therefore, wisdom allows you to know when to practice acceptance and when to practice courage.
You can ask yourself, “Is this something within my control?” If not, you can then ask yourself, “what is within my control?”
The wisdom to know the difference is often clouded by anxiety when we are immersed within our thoughts. Rather than having the wisdom of clarity, our thoughts might lead us astray.
Our minds often lie to us, leading to what is referred to by psychologists as Cognitive Distortions. One of the most common includes black and white thinking. This means the tendency to overgeneralize, having thoughts consisting of “always” or “never.” For example, “I’m always treated unfairly by my manager.”
The key to wisdom is the ability to look at your thoughts as if you are a third-party observer.
As stated by ACT founder Steven C. Hayes:
“What we need to learn to do is to look at a thought rather than from thought.”
Having the wisdom to know when a thought is clouding your judgment requires being present to the moment.
As Daniel J Siegel states:
“Mental presence is a state of being wide awake and receptive to what is happening, as it is happening in the moment, within us and between the world and us. Presence cultivates happiness.”
Presence gives you the clarity to step back from your thoughts and see the bigger picture. Wisdom allows you to then distinguish what is your own responsibility in the matter.
by Steve Rose | Apr 18, 2020 | Addiction and Recovery
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When I share that I work in the addiction field, particularly focused on gambling, gaming, and technology use, people often immediately consider their own relationship with these things.
“I’m super addicted to my phone… I think my son is addicted to video games… my husband is addicted to work!”
I immediately want to take a step back and talk about what it means for something to be classified as an addiction while also compassionately being open to the possibility of these things actually being true.
Most likely, addiction is not an appropriate word for most of these daily activities.
It is important to distinguish between frequent use of something and an addiction. Pathologizing everything only diminishes the real struggle some people face. So when does something become an addiction?
Something becomes an addiction if it begins to have significant harmful impacts on other areas of your life. In addition, the individual experiences craving, loss of control over the substance or behavior, and is unable to stop despite these harms.
Let’s take a closer look at the difference between recreation and addiction.
When is something a form of recreation?
Recreational use of something such as gambling, gaming, technology use, alcohol, or substances is a balanced part of someone’s life. It does not have a harmful impact on any other area and the person has full control over its use.
For example, a recreational gamer could be compared to a recreational craft beer enthusiast. Just because they enjoy it regularly does not make them an alcoholic.
Addiction is a problematic relationship to a behavior or substance, not the use of a particular substance or behavior in itself. To suggest so would be an overgeneralization that only serves to stigmatize persons within that specific demographic.
Most gamers don’t have a gaming addiction, just as most beer drinkers are not alcoholics, and most cannabis users are not addicted to cannabis.
But what about powerful substances like crystal meth? Is there such a thing as casual crystal meth use?
Although the concept sounds ridiculous, it is actually possible to engage in recreational crystal meth use. According to David Sack M.D., many people will try meth, and only a small percentage will become regular users.
Despite this, I would never recommend dabbling with powerful substances such as crystal meth, since the risk of addiction is significantly higher. David Sack, M.D., states:
Most crystal meth addicts have a brief period of “casual” or “recreational” use. This can quickly escalate to abuse and dependency. Attempting to use meth (or any other addictive stimulant, such as cocaine) in a casual/recreational fashion is a bit like playing with matches in a room filled with dynamite. No matter how careful you are, you’re likely to blow the place up.
Use of any substance or behavior should never be conflated with addiction, but some things carry a higher risk, such as powerful stimulants and opioids.
When does something become an addiction?
Something becomes an addiction if it begins to have significant harmful impacts on other areas of your life. In addition, the individual experiences craving, loss of control over the substance or behavior, and is unable to stop despite these harms.
Recreation is about pleasure, whereas addiction is about coping.
When using a substance or behavior for recreation, a person is coming from a place where they are already feeling whole. Their chosen form of recreation adds to their life.
When using a substance or behavior to cope, a person is coming from a place where they feel like they are not whole. They may feel like they are not enough, using a substance or behavior to inflate their confidence. They may be suffering from anxiety, using a substance or behavior to stay calm and get out of their head. They may be carrying shame, using a substance or behavior to distract them from the underlying pain.
Addiction means using something to cope, requiring it to feel “normal.”
Many persons with an addiction report feeling a sense of wholeness when they began using a substance; a sense that the world now has color; a sense of warmth imitating the feeling of love.
Eventually, tolerance and physical dependence may develop, leading to the need to increase usage and an inability to discontinue use due to withdrawal. At this point, the person may need the substance to feel physically normal. This is particularly relevant for opioid use.
For stimulants, physical dependence generally refers to the brain’s downregulation of dopamine production, leading to the inability to normally experience pleasure while not using the substance.
Also, after writing a previous article on why video games are addictive, I received some questions on how to determine if you are using gaming as a form of recreation or if it has become an addiction.
In 2018, the World Health Organization classified Gaming disorder as an official form of addictive behavior. It consists of three components:
- The loss of control over one’s gaming
- Gaming taking priority over other areas of life
- Continued use despite negative consequences and impaired functioning in other areas of one’s life.
The key difference between someone who has a video gaming addiction and someone who plays a lot of games is the lack of control and negative impact it has on the person’s life. This negative impact can include dropping out of schooling, loss of employment, loss of contact with in-person friends or family, in addition to physical health issues.
What about binging?
Although there is no shortage of Netflix binging right now, addictive binging is different than recreational binging.
If you have extra free time and have taken care of your basic responsibilities, binging on Netflix, having a wild night with too many cocktails, or partaking in too much of the devil’s lettuce may be a form of recreation.
Addictive binging is distinct since it is used to cope with underlying pain, stress, or anxiety. Beyond merely letting off steam, this form of binging comes in somewhat regular intervals and has negative impacts on other areas of life.
This form of addiction is tricky since the individual can appear to have the substance or behavior under control most of the time, even convincing themselves they have it under control.
Some people who binge on alcohol may even be able to drink recreationally in certain situations.
Recall the key difference between recreation and addiction is the loss of control and the harmful impact on their life.
Conclusion
The word “addiction” is often used casually to explain the frequent use of a substance or behavior such as gaming. Addiction and recreation are different since recreation is about pleasure, whereas addiction is about coping.
All substances and behaviors can be used recreationally, but some carry more risks than others.
Persons who develop addictions are often coping with underlying pain or anxiety, eventually becoming dependent on the substance or behavior. This is a form of short-term coping with long-term costs.
Addictions consist of the loss of control and the inability to stop a substance or behavior despite the negative consequences.
by Steve Rose | Apr 17, 2020 | Addiction and Recovery
In the thick of the current global pandemic, I thought it would be helpful to revisit the timeless wisdom in Robert Frost’s poem, A Servant to Servants: “…the best way out is always through.”
I would go even further to argue that the only way out is through. In light of the current crisis, what does this mean?
“The only way out is through,” means facing the pain of a situation head-on rather than avoidance through distractions, including alcohol, drugs, or other behaviors such as gambling, gaming, and work.Â
Let’s look at how this is currently playing out and how we can use the lesson to move through difficulties.
Coping During Difficult Times
A recent Forbes article describes the current situation in the title: .
According to Market Watch U.S. alcohol sales are up 55%, with online alcohol sales up 243%.
A report commissioned by the Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction recently released data stating the following:
“25% of Canadians (aged 35-54) are drinking more while at home due to COVID-19 pandemic; cite lack of regular schedule, stress and boredom as main factors.”
From long lines outside liquor stores to a recent report of more than 120 cars lined up outside of a Krispy Kreme in Mississauga, people are looking for relief.
Is it really all that bad to want an extra cocktail or a doughnut amidst all of the stress and boredom? Probably not.
But it is also probably something to keep an eye on.
Are these becoming habitual short-term solutions with long-term consequences?
If so, consider how the substance or behavior is serving as a way to avoid dealing with painful underlying thoughts or emotions.
Avoidance Makes Things Worse
This brings us to the lesson that the only way out is through.
The tiger metaphor from my previous article, Why Responsibility Is So Important, seems fitting, so I will restate it here. Besides, everyone is talking about the Tiger King, so I’ll just stick with the theme. Note that this tiger metaphor is adapted from Steven Hayes, founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Imagine you adopted a tiger cub into your home. It is cute, cuddly, and harmless. You notice it begins to purr loudly, and the only way you can make it stop is to feed it red meat. Over the months and years, you keep doing this, but the tiger is now several hundred pounds, requiring whole sides of beef. Rather than a cute purr, the tiger roars ferociously for its meat. You are terrified, so you keep giving him the meat so he will leave you alone. The more you feed it, the larger it gets, and the more trapped you become.
In this metaphor, feeding the tiger symbolizes avoidance. There is temporary relief, but a long term cost. Each time you avoid difficulties, you are feeding the tiger, making the problem larger, giving up long term freedom and control.
Responding Rather Than ReactingÂ
Since avoidance keeps you stuck, going through difficult situations is the only way out.
Going through situations requires acceptance of what you cannot control and a degree of distance from your thoughts.
In acceptance and commitment therapy, this technique is called cognitive diffusion.
Although it has a fancy name, it is relatively simple, but not necessarily easy.
Throughout our daily life, we see the world through the lens of our thoughts. Cognitive diffusion allows us to step back from our thoughts, seeing the thoughts themselves.
We are either seeing the world through our thoughts, or we are looking at our thoughts. The former comes naturally, whereas the latter takes practice.
The purpose of taking a step back from our thoughts is that it allows us to intentionally respond to a situation rather than simply react to it.
As stated in my article on Why Responsibility Is So Important, responsibility is the ability to respond. Reaction is the opposite of responsibility. Rather than choosing an appropriate response, reactions consist of a habitual way of coping, such as reaching for a drink, logging onto a gambling site, or escaping through compulsive working.
When we are stripped of our regular ways of avoiding difficult thoughts or emotions, we find other ways to avoid them.
For example, if compulsive working was used as a way to avoid facing the underlying thought that you are not good enough, job loss could result in replacing this avoidance strategy with alcohol to calm the anxiety stemming from this underlying thought.
Although working and drinking look like very different kinds of behavior on the surface, they could both be potentially used for the same purpose.
Gaining distance from your thoughts gives you the ability to choose a valued way forward rather than coping through reactive behaviors.
How To Go “Through” DifficultiesÂ
One exercise I find helpful in gaining distance from your thoughts is called “leaves on a stream.”
It consists of closing your eyes, focusing on your breath, and imagining you are sitting beside a stream. As you watch the stream, you also notice leaves floating by. Remain focused on your breath, and as any thought comes into your head, simply put it on a leaf and let it go.
This is difficult to do when you are reading, so here is an audio recording: Leaves on a Stream Exercise.
The purpose of this exercise is to gain skills in looking at thoughts rather than through thoughts, giving you the ability to choose to move through difficult situations rather than staying stuck in short-term coping.
ConclusionÂ
During these difficult times, many of us are turning to the comforts of alcohol, sweets, or Netflix binging. Although these behaviors are reasonable and may not be an issue, they are something to keep an eye on.
Noticing patterns of short-term coping that come at a long-term cost allows you to gain further control and freedom to move through difficult situations rather than staying stuck in reactive patterns.
As we move through this pandemic and out the other side, it is helpful to remain focused on things within our control and let go of things we cannot control.
One way to practice letting go consists of the leaves on a stream exercise. This exercise allows you to gain distance from your thoughts and choose a valued path forward, rather than reacting in ways to avoid dealing with underlying issues.
by Steve Rose | Apr 10, 2020 | Identity, Purpose, and Belonging
With all of the social distancing measures over the last year, we have been repeatedly told by public health officials that it is our responsibility to stay home and flatten the curve.
You are not responsible for the problem, but you now find yourself responsible for part of the solution.
It can be frustrating, it can be isolating, and it might not seem fair.
Although we may sometimes want to resist the calls to take responsibility, consider the other areas of life where you are not responsible for the problem but still need to be part of the solution.
If you’ve experienced trauma leading to mental health issues, you are not responsible for the problem, but you are responsible for being part of the solution.
The same goes for a heredity illness. You are not responsible for the problem, but you are responsible for being part of the solution.
Falling into a victim mindset only serves to strengthen the problem.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, you can check out my resource page for suggestions on how to find help.
What is responsibility?
Responsibility is the ability to respond.
Not paralyzed by fear, plagued by anxiety, or procrastinating, pretending the problem doesn’t exist.
Responsibility means being prepared, but not panicked. It requires planning, but not perfectionistic plots to control the uncontrollable.
Responsibility consists of accepting uncertainty, knowing you will do what you can control, and letting go of the things you cannot.
Responsibility requires a response proportional to the problem, adapting to obstacles as they arise.
The psychologist Jordan Peterson says the physical posture of responsibility is standing up straight with your shoulders back, in 12 Rules for Life:
To stand up straight with your shoulders back is to accept the terrible responsibility of life, with eyes wide open. It means deciding to voluntarily transform the chaos of potential into the realities of habitable order. It means adopting the burden of self-conscious vulnerability, and accepting the end of the unconscious paradise of childhood, where finitude and mortality are only dimly comprehended. It means willingly undertaking the sacrifices necessary to generate a productive and meaningful reality (it means acting to please God, in the ancient language).
Why is responsibility important?
Responsibility is important because it provides a sense of purpose, in addition to building resilience amidst adversity on an individual and societal level.
Like an addiction, sidestepping responsibility may feel good in the short-term, but leads to exponentially worse pain and suffering in the long term.
A tiger metaphor by Steven Hayes seems fitting here.
Imagine you adopted a tiger cub into your home. It is cute, cuddly, and harmless. You notice it begins to purr loudly, and the only way you can make it stop is to feed it red meat. Over the months and years, you keep doing this, but the tiger is now several hundred pounds, requiring whole sides of beef. Rather than a cute purr, the tiger roars ferociously for its meat. You are terrified, so you keep giving him the meat so he will leave you alone. The more you feed it, the larger it gets, and the more trapped you become.
In this metaphor, feeding the tiger symbolizes sidestepping your responsibilities. There is temporary relief, but a long term cost. Each time you avoid responsibility, you are feeding the tiger, making the problem larger, giving up long term freedom and control.
Why do people choose to become trapped in troublesome tiger relations? Jordan Peterson explains one potential reason in 12 Rules for Life:
Sometimes, when people have a low opinion of their own worth or, perhaps, when they refuse responsibility for their lives they choose a new acquaintance, of precisely the type who proved troublesome in the past. Such people don’t believe that they deserve any better so they don’t go looking for it. Or, perhaps, they don’t want the trouble of better.”
Let’s go deeper into how low self-worth prevents responsibility and look at how to build a sense of purpose through responsibility to one’s self, one’s family, and one’s society.
Responsibility provides a sense of purpose
Avoiding responsibility destroys a sense of purpose. Purpose comes from a sense of contribution and connection to something larger than yourself. But first, it is necessary to take responsibility for yourself. By being the best version of yourself, you can then be the most helpful to others.
Being responsible for yourself
This requires taking care of your basic needs. In the recovery community, it is common to use the acronym, HALT. Are you hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Regularly check in on your current state and address deficiencies where appropriate.
Another way to maintain self-responsibility is to organize the clutter in your physical environment and the chaos in your day-to-day life. Prioritize your sleep, nutrition, and exercise. If all of this sounds overwhelming, start small. As Jordan Peterson says, “Clean your damn room!” But as he also says, “Cleaning up your room involves cleaning up far more than your room.”
Doing something useful for yourself is the first step in reorienting yourself amidst the mental fog of purposelessness. As the fog begins to thin out, you can start to see beyond yourself. This leads to step two:
Being responsible within your family
Once you’re adequately useful to yourself and can help from a place of genuine giving, you can be useful to others close to you.
I mention genuine giving because many people try to be useful to others without addressing their own needs first. This often results in codependent relationships where you do things for others to fill a lack of self-esteem in yourself. It is an experience of toxic shame where we constantly feel the need to prove ourselves and receive external validation. This may feel like “taking responsibility,” but it is often unhelpful and is just feeding the internal tiger, masking underlying issues with self-worth.
See my article The Need to be Needed for an in-depth description of this interpersonal dynamic.
If you’ve worked through these personal areas and can engage in close interpersonal relationships based on genuine heartfelt giving, the next step is this:
Being responsible within the broader society
Being socially responsible can happen in various ways. Right now, it simply means staying home to prevent community spread of the viral infection.
During regular times, being socially responsible might take place in your work, volunteer roles, or leisure activities.
The key to maximizing your social responsibility is contributing in a way that fits your unique personal strengths. For example, if your strengths are working with people, and you value compassion, developing and applying these strengths allows you to maximally contribute socially.
A lack of fit between your strengths, values, and interests can hinder your level of usefulness in your work, resulting in a low sense of purpose within the role. Finding alignment between your abilities and your role requires first knowing your strengths and cultivating them.
Not cultivating and applying your unique strengths doesn’t just rob you of a sense of purpose, but it also robs the broader society of your potential contributions.
Conclusion
Although you may not be responsible for personal or social issues, you are still responsible for being part of the solution.
Avoiding responsibility comes with a short term gain at a long term cost.
Taking responsibility creates long term resilience and a sense of purpose.
This sense of purpose can be fostered by taking responsibility for one’s self by engaging in self-care. Responsibility can also be developed on a familial and societal level, offering a sense of purpose proportional to your ability to contribute your unique abilities.
by Steve Rose | Apr 2, 2020 | Addiction and Recovery
On the go? Listen to the audio version of the article here:
In light of recent social distancing measures, I’ve been thinking about the impact of isolation on persons with addiction.
Isolation and addiction go hand-in-hand. Isolation causes addiction, and addiction causes isolation. Therefore, I thought it would be helpful to dive into the topic in further detail.
As a sociologist and addiction counselor, this is a topic I have thought about quite a bit over the years.
So what is the impact of isolation on addiction?
Isolation increases the risk of addiction among individuals using a substance or behavior to cope with the loneliness, boredom, or loss of purpose due to isolation.
It is important to note that isolation and loneliness are not synonymous. You can be living in an isolated situation, yet feel connected to others. You can also be living in a highly social situation, yet feel alone.
This article focuses on persons experiencing loneliness due to isolation, feeling a sense of social disconnection or displacement.
Isolation Causes Addiction
Addiction is caused by various factors: biological, psychological, social, and spiritual. Mainstream medical discussions of addiction tend to focus on the biological realm and the addictive nature of chemical properties within a substance.
Although certain substances can be risky due to their chemical makeup, this perspective does not explain addiction. Many people consume substances without developing an addiction.
Besides, it doesn’t explain addictive behaviors like gambling and gaming, since behavioral addictions develop without necessarily consuming a chemical compound.
This is why the social realm is so important.
Dr. Marvin Seppala, chief medical officer at the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, recognizes this in the statement:
“We consider addiction a disease of isolation…”
Bruce Alexander is a major advocate for this perspective, with his famous Rat Park Study.
Researchers typically conducted rat studies on addiction with a single rat in a metal cage. If you leave the rat with drug-infused water and regular water, the rat will continue taking the drug until it overdoses.
The rat park study did the same experiment but took the rat out of isolation, putting it into rat park, a large rat amusement park with the company of several other rats.
Rather than overdosing on the drug-infused water, the rats in rat park moderated their consumption, balancing it with the regular water.
Although there have been some unsuccessful attempts to replicate the study, there have been some successful attempts as well.
A more recent study reported by the National Institue on Drug Abuse reinforces the rat park findings:
“The new study, led by NIDA’s Dr. Marco Venniro, required rats to choose between social interaction with another rat or access to a drug (heroin or methamphetamine). The animals consistently chose social interaction when given the choice, and this was true when they were first given access to the drug or when they were experienced drug takers.”
The fact that the rats chose interaction over addictive substances reinforces the power of social connection and the risk of addiction when it is not present.
Addiction to Social Media ‘Likes’
Since rats choose interaction over addiction, what if the addiction is the social interaction.
As humans, our social realm is extremely complex, especially in the midst of social media technology. This form of social interaction, itself, can be an addiction.
How social is social media? If it is social, then how is it encouraging addiction? Shouldn’t it be helping reduce isolation?
In my article, Is Social Media Making Us Less Social? I concluded:
“Social Media is making us less social when used to compare oneself to others, contributing to higher levels of loneliness and lower levels of well-being among frequent users. It can be social when used to meaningfully connect with others.”
Using social media in a way that connects us with others can make us less isolated and more socially engaged, especially in times we are unable to meet in person.
Using social media in this way to reduce isolation can, therefore, reduce the risk of addiction. When used to compare ourselves to others, it facilitates further isolation, leading to the risk of compulsive consumption and ‘like’ seeking.
Why Social Connection is Important
Social isolation is as dangerous as smoking.
In a TED Talk on the study, Robert Waldinger emphasizes the dangers of social isolation, stating:
Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.
Physical health issues are intertwined with social and mental health issues. Like addiction, we need to consider the full spectrum of factors contributing to health and wellness.
Luckily, social determinates of health are gaining traction in the scientific literature. Recent research looked at the impact of loneliness as a risk factor for mortality and found:
Current evidence indicates that heightened risk for mortality from a lack of social relationships is greater than that from obesity.
The researchers also found loneliness is comparable to other health indicators, including substance abuse, irresponsible sexual behavior, mental health, injury and violence, environmental quality, immunization, and access to health care.
Although studies are now mounting regarding the risk of social isolation, it is a relatively neglected issue. The researchers note:
The current status of research on the risks of loneliness and social isolation is similar to that of research on obesity 3 decades ago.
If we want to understand human thriving, the social component is essential.
According to an 80 year long Harvard study that followed a group of individuals since their college years, the quality of our close social relations is the best predictor of health and happiness:
…people’s level of satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 was a better predictor of physical health than their cholesterol levels were.
Modern conveniences allow us to live more independently than ever. We can connect with family and friends during times where distance and isolation would normally reduce interaction.
With the increased convenience, we also need to also consider the potential costs when technology is used in ways that further contribute to isolation. This does not necessarily mean using less technology. It means using technology in smart and innovative ways to maintain connections.
Dealing with Isolation to Reduce the Risk
During this unique time of self-isolation and social distancing, it is necessary, more than ever, to consider the quality of our close interpersonal relations and use technology in ways that bring us together.
Persons suffering from addiction or those in recovery are at increased risk during this time. Addiction programming and in-person supports have largely shut down. Residential treatment programs are not operating and withdrawal services are limited.
As the serenity prayer states, we need the serenity to accept the things we cannot change and the courage to change the things we can.
Although we cannot change the current situation, we can recognize the things we do have control over and take the necessary steps to reduce the risk of loneliness due to isolation.
Consider reaching out to supportive family or friends, catching up like-minded people you haven’t talked to in a while, using the phone, email, or scheduling online video chats.
If you find yourself feeling like a disengaged social media spectator, consider engaging in ways that fit your personal style. This could include making meaningful comments, sending private messages, or creating your own content. Personally, I prefer private messages and engaging with people through my website platform.
Lastly, if you’re in isolation with other family members or roommates, it is easy to feel disengaged from one another while in the same household. If you find yourself in the same rut of social media scrolling and Netflix binges, consider pulling out some classic board games, eating together, or exercising.
