How To Heal Your Relationship With Food

How To Heal Your Relationship With Food

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If you have a love-hate relationship with food, you may find yourself constantly thinking about it, depriving yourself of it, or compensating for foods you’ve eaten.

Like the cycle of an abusive relationship, food seduces you with its charming lure of comfort, often resulting in shame, regret, or physical pain.

You tell yourself you’ve had enough, and this is the last time, but you keep going back to old patterns. This can manifest as food addiction or eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, or orthorexia—an addiction to dieting.

If you have an unhealthy relationship with food, there is a way to heal.

In this article, I will illustrate how diet-culture perpetuates counterproductive messages about eating. When these cultural messages result in shame, they fuel the problem they were intended to solve.

Diet-culture moralizes food, resulting in a constant sense of resisting temptations. As psychologist Carl Jung states, “What you resist persists.” In constantly resisting food, it gains more power over your life.

This article will highlight the sociological and psychological forces keeping millions of people stuck in this unhealthy dynamic.

By healing your relationship to food, you can break free from these messages and reclaim your mental and physical health.

What is an unhealthy relationship with food?

If you struggle with an unhealthy relationship with food, you are not alone.

This is an invisible issue affecting the mental health of millions of people, perpetuated by well-intentioned health professionals and diet gurus.

It comes in many different forms and severity, ranging from relatively benign to severe and life-threatening.

Here are some signs you might have an unhealthy relationship with food:

You classify certain foods as good or bad. 

Although certain foods are better for nutrition than others, a strong moralizing stance focuses on weight or willpower, making the body something to be overcome rather than nourished.

By labeling foods as “bad,” we feel the need to constantly resist them, fueling even further desire. The sense of deprivation and forbidden nature of “bad” foods amplifies their allure. When succumbing to the temptation, eating “bad” foods leads to shame, fueling even further binging or strict food avoidance, adding to the vicious cycle of unbalanced eating.

You are overly preoccupied with food.

Although it is effective to plan for healthy meals to maintain your energy and nutrition, becoming overly preoccupied with food gives it power over your life. Rather than food serving you, you begin serving it.

Like an addiction, preoccupation with food takes away from your ability to focus on other important areas of your life, resulting in a constant state of vigilance and energy depletion.

You restrict food and or binge on food.

This is the core problem with diet-culture. Since dieting emphasizes restricting certain foods, it gives these foods power. As described above, “What you resist persists.” Although the nutritional science backing a specific diet may make sense, diets don’t work psychologically.

Food restriction often results in food binging, perpetuating the yo-yo dieting cycle.

You eat based on rules rather than internal cues.

Diets are also counterproductive because they disconnect you from your body. Rather than eating based on internal hunger and satiation cues, diets reinforce mistrust of the body’s cues.

Eating based on these external rules keeps dieters in their heads rather than in tune with their bodies, resulting in a sense of deprivation, fueling the desire to rebel against these rules.

You feel guilty when enjoying food.

When enjoyment is synonymous with guilt, it takes away a genuine sense of satisfaction. When genuine satisfaction is lacking, binging on one’s “guilty pleasure” replaces natural satiation.

Like the cycle of deprivation and binging, guilty pleasures become scarce resources. This scarcity fuels binging rather than genuine enjoyment.

You become obsessed with numbers and nutritional labels. 

Although it can be helpful to be guided by a food’s nutritional value, an over-fixation on numbers and labels can keep you trapped in a form of preoccupation with food, resembling addiction at an extreme end.

This unhealthy obsession with healthy eating has been called orthorexia. It can result in compulsive label checking and nutrition tracking, resulting in long-term damage to one’s mental and physical health. Like an addiction, the perceived solution is actually the problem in disguise.

You eat for the primary purpose of changing your body.

Although your body can change based on your eating habits, punishing your body to achieve your weight goals sets you up for long-term mental and physical instability.

If changing your body comes from a place of self-loathing, progress becomes about the numbers rather than your mental wellness. This definition of progress can only be sustained for a limited period of time since the underlying strained relationship with your body is increasingly reinforced.

You restrict food to gain a sense of control.

Eating disorders are often an attempt to gain a sense of control in one’s life. If you have been in a chaotic environment or an overly strict environment, your sense of control may have been taken away. Restricting food or binging on food are ways to gain a sense of control.

Like an addiction, this is an illusion of control. When discovering the reality of one’s relationship to food, one may realize how they paradoxically give away further control, allowing food to dictate their lives.

You use food to cope with difficult emotions. 

Although many people use certain foods to relax, like alcohol is used to unwind, it becomes a problem when it becomes a person’s go-to solution to underlying problems, resulting in increasing use despite negative consequences in one’s life.

Difficult emotions such as fear or guilt from the past can trigger emotional eating or food restriction to escape the pain or gain a sense of control. As stated above, these are short-term solutions resulting in more significant problems in the long-term.

You hide certain eating behaviors from others.

Moralizing food can lead to shame and secretive eating to avoid further shame. Like an addiction, someone can present as highly functional while hiding their use of a specific substance or behavior.

Rather than reducing the shame, these secretive eating sessions further contribute to a sense of shame, making a person feel even further disconnected from others.

What causes an unhealthy relationship with food?

Diet-culture causes an unhealthy relationship with food. This unhealthy relationship is further reinforced by psychological triggers such as habitual emotional coping through food restriction or binging. 

As a former personal trainer, I learned about the toxic side of fitness and diet-culture from within the industry. During my time as a trainer back in 2010, it was also the height of the weight-loss television genre.

It seemed like everyone and their workplace was developing some kind of Biggest Loser challenge. I had even unknowingly participated in this fat-centric fitness focus, creating my own Bootcamp fitness program called “The Last Ten Pounds,” which I ran out of a local facility.

I preached the standard gospel of avoiding sinful foods and exercising to lose weight. Although it made biological sense, I didn’t realize how it was counterproductive psychologically.

Sensing something was wrong with this body-transformation-obsessed fitness culture, I conducted research on the popular weight loss genre in my Master’s thesis in sociology. Completed in 2011, you can find the full thesis here.

In short, I demonstrated how transformation narratives in the weight-loss genre are a warped version of Christian morality, demonizing fat and idealizing reason and rationality as the way to overcome the body and its desires.

In my research, I did a discourse analysis of MTV’s “I Used to Be Fat,” a show where recent high-school graduates are subjected to intense body transformations in the summer before college. Gaining control over their bodies by getting one’s weight down to a specific number on the scale was the sign of overcoming adolescent immaturity and gaining entry into adulthood.

Each episode begins with a confession by the participant standing in front of a mirror, talking disparagingly about their body, reinforcing their underlying self-loathing.

Next, the participant is subject to a penance whereby they “cleansed” their body of “toxins” through an overly intense first workout.

During each episode, temptations such as cookies are presented, generally from a maternal figure. Inversely, a mentor emerges, generally from a paternal figure, who helps them along their hero’s journey.

Lastly, salvation is achieved when the body is overcome through intense discipline, and the final number on the scale is revealed.

Normalizing extreme body transformations sets people up for long-term yo-yo dieting and mental health issues. Rather than focusing on their long-term relationship to food and their bodies, the show normalizes a toxic diet-culture focused on food restriction for weight loss.

The underlying message is that arriving to college without a slender body would result in further shame and lack of belonging.

By focusing on fitness as the cure for low self-esteem, the psychological issues are left unaddressed, leaving a person more vulnerable to disordered eating.

Diet-culture preaches problematic messages about willpower and discipline. Although these may be noble traits at times, they are ineffective when portrayed as the only psychological tools.

As an addiction counselor, I now understand the true shortcoming of willpower. It can get someone over a craving momentarily, but it quickly depletes, leaving a person more vulnerable to temptation if there are no other psychological coping strategies in place.

Although discipline can be an admirable trait as well, it is necessary to question the source of this discipline. The Latin root of the word ‘discipline’ comes from ‘disciple,’ or follower of Jesus. In the modern weight-loss context, we are disciples of diet-culture, disciplining our bodies to overcome their desires.

Accepting the gospel of diet-culture puts you at constant war with your body. It implies the body cannot be trusted and needs strict rules to keep it in check.

By getting out of your body and into your head, your body is put into a constant state of deprivation, resulting in intermittent rebelling, fueling the cycle of shame and disordered eating.

This critique of diet-culture goes beyond a social justice lens. Diet-culture is stigmatizing and psychologically ineffective at achieving its own goals.

How to have a healthy relationship with food

If you are tired of being constantly at war with your body, there is a better way forward.

If you want evidence-based practical advice on how to heal your relationship with food, I highly recommend checking out Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole.

This book is written by two registered dietitians whose approach to healthy eating is based on psychological evidence about what works in the long-term.

Their revolutionary anti-diet approach to healthy eating is based on getting in touch with your body’s needs—the exact opposite of diet-culture’s focus on disconnection from one’s body through rules, restriction, and willpower.

Intuitive eating does not mean throwing caution to the wind and engaging in massive fast-food binges. This potential criticism of removing food restriction is steeped in the logic of diet-culture. Instead, intuitive eating sidesteps this the deprivation-binging cycle by not restricting any foods. Taking the morality out of food takes away its power over your life.

Instead of following a strict set of diet rules, intuitive eating rebuilds trust in your body as you listen to its needs and eat according to its hunger cues and responses to food.

Although this approach sounds counter-intuitive, it resonates with my understanding of the psychology of addiction.

Persons struggling with dieting resemble someone struggling with an addiction. Dieting is a short-term solution to a long-term problem. It provides temporary relief, with long-term harms. It gives you the illusion of control, but actually takes away your control in the long-term. It preoccupies your mind, taking away your ability to focus on things that matter. Lastly, it is a process fraught with constant instability and relapse.

Like how someone struggling with an addiction needs to give up the substance to regain control, the intuitive eating approach advocates complete abstinence from dieting.

By giving up dieting, you can end the war and make peace with food. By making peace with food, it takes away its forbidden allure. If everything is allowed, nothing takes on the psychological specialness of being a forbidden fruit. Just as marketers and economists know very well, when something is scarce or rare, its value increases.

By making peace with food, you can focus on satisfaction when eating, increasing your ability to stop eating when your hunger is satiated because you are not operating in a state of deprivation.

Rather than using the term “junk food,” the intuitive eating approach labels these as “play foods.” By changing the moralizing language around food, you take away its power over your life. Consider that we regularly use terms like “sinful, tempting, or cheating” when referring to food. This language only increases the forbidden fruit effect, giving food more power over your life.

Intuitive eating requires getting in touch with your body and its needs. It means honoring your hunger and feeling your fullness. When living in your head, you become out of touch with the body’s needs and are perhaps out of touch with hunger and fullness signals.

By respecting the body rather than treating it as an object to be overcome, you develop self-compassion. By treating your body like something you care about, rather than something to be beaten up and deprived, you heal your relationship with yourself, and therefore your relationship to food.

Healing your relationship to physical activity 

Shows like The Biggest Loser often made the gym look like a chamber of punishment, with contestants puking, fainting, or falling off treadmills.

When you heal your relationship to food, you may consider your relationship to physical activity. Rather than seeing physical activity as a punishment, it becomes an opportunity to enjoy the feeling of physical movement.

Since COVID, we have all learned that the gym is not the only outlet for physical activity. Although some people like myself enjoy the gym, the key to long-term health is enjoying the process; otherwise, like dieting, the activity will be temporary.

Also, as a former personal trainer, one would imagine my gym routine would be rigid and numbers-focused, but this is quite far from reality. For the past few years before COVID, I would show up to the gym without a plan.

Walking through the gym, I started moving my body, feeling any soreness from previous workouts. If a particular muscle group was not sore from the previous workout, I’d consider which kind of exercise felt interesting for that muscle group and which type of movement or equipment I felt attracted to at that moment. Each next activity was decided at the moment, without regard for any rules or plans. The gym felt like my playground.

I actually stopped using weights and machines for about a year or so, just enjoying the pullup bars, TRX ropes, gymnastic rings, and other body-weight exercises such as pushups and pistol squats. This gymnastic-style workout kept me highly motivated due to the enjoyment of making progress with new forms of movement and the need to remain highly in tune with my body’s needs and limits.

In my days as a personal trainer, if someone asked me for exercise advice, I’d give them a basic circuit training routine or a more advanced split training routine with an 8-12 rep range. Although these plans may be physiologically adequate, they are often far from psychologically adequate. If going to the gym is a terrible experience, you’ll probably not go for too long. The most optimized exercise plan is worthless if it’s not being used.

These days, when someone asks for a workout plan, I ask them what they enjoy. I inquire about all of the outdoor activities they enjoy, sports they’ve participated in, and what things they’ve perhaps enjoyed doing at the gym. I also inquire about activities they may be curious about but have not tried. I then ask which of these enjoyable forms of movement are realistic, given their current lifestyle and schedule.

Like giving up a diet mentality, healing your relationship to exercise means not depriving yourself of genuinely enjoyable movement, focusing on function rather than numbers gets you in touch with your body, rather than trying to subjugate it to a form of rationalized discipline.

Recognize the six internal food voices

In Intuitive Eating, the authors highlight six food voices that are helpful to recognize when healing your relationship with food.

The Food Police

This is the familiar moralizing voice of diet-culture. Certain foods are forbidden, and the food police condemn the temptation to indulge in these sinful foods.

The food police may have initially been a parent, coach, or partner. Now, the internalized voice of the food police fills your head with “should’s” and “should not’s,” making you feel guilty when breaking a diet law.

The food police are punitive and may even lead to the compulsion to use exercise as punishment for “bad behavior.”

The food police is an unhelpful voice that separates you from your body. When it pops up, it can be acknowledged and gently reminded that its rules no longer apply because you no longer operate in its jurisdiction.

The Nutrition Informant 

The nutrition informant feeds the food police up-to-date information on the latest diet fads. In the past, it cautioned against high-fat diets and counting calories. Now, it’s generally focused on counting macros and minimizing carbs.

The nutrition informant can be your ally if its information is used to help you understand the various nutrients and ways of eating so you can more carefully experiment with how your body responds to certain foods.

The Diet Rebel 

The diet rebel is the voice that starts getting louder right before a binge. It tells you you’ve had enough deprivation, and you deserve to indulge. It can also appear as the apathetic voice of “screw it, you only live once.”

When you listen to the food police for too long, the diet rebel starts gaining strength. After a period of deprivation, it is only a matter of time before it shows up.

The diet rebel can be your ally when you direct it at diet-culture, body shaming, or other attempts to cross your food boundaries.

The Anthropologist 

The anthropologist is the helpful voice of an observer perspective. Rather than merely reacting to the unhelpful food voices, you can step back and observe what is happening.

Like an anthropological researcher, you can observe the social dynamics of your inner food voices. In addition, you learn to observe your bodily cues, studying their subtle sensations of hunger and fullness.

The Nurturer

The nurturer is the helpful voice of self-compassion. It talks to you the way you would speak to someone you care about. If the shame of diet-culture remains strong, this voice may not come naturally and must be ingrained over time.

The nurturer helps you recognize when difficult emotions are triggering the desire to cope by using food. It reminds you of helpful coping skills and encourages you to reach out to others for support during challenging moments.

The nurturer also reminds you to approach intuitive eating gently. It says, “progress, not perfection.” When you are tempted to beat yourself up for any perceived imperfection, it talks to you kindly instead.

The Intuitive Eater 

The intuitive eater is the combination of the anthropologist and the nurturer. It draws on the allied version of the nutrition informant and the allied version of the diet rebel.

First and foremost, the intuitive eater trusts your gut.

Conclusion

Healing your relationship with food means healing your relationship with yourself and your body. It means taking the morality out of food, letting go of any attempt to impose rigid rules on your eating habits.

Intuitive eating does not mean throwing caution to the wind and living on a steady fast-food diet. This would be against the tenants of intuitive eating since listening to your body would likely tell you it does not actually feel satisfying choosing these foods in excess.

By taking back your body’s intuitions, you start listening to its cues and regaining its trust. If your relationship with food has been heavily affected by diet-culture, it may take time to regain your own trust. Like any strained relationship, patience is required.

Although intuitive eating sounds simple, many people find it just as difficult as dieting in the beginning. Not having strict rules and regulations around food means you have to constantly check in with your body to maintain balance.

Over time, this approach becomes natural. Healing your relationship to food allows you to take back control over your life and start focusing on what matters, regaining your health in the process.

If you want to learn more, I highly recommend checking out Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole. Their approach is supported by a great deal of research and has been revolutionary for many people.

As an addiction counselor and former personal trainer, I believe the intuitive approach to eating is based on a deep understanding of the psychology of motivation.

If you struggle with yo-yo dieting or an eating disorder, I highly recommend checking out the book.

The Myth of the Addictive Personality

The Myth of the Addictive Personality

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The idea of an “addictive personality” is one of the biggest myths about the cause of addiction. Rather than explaining addiction, it reinforces popular misconceptions, often stigmatizing those who suffer from an addiction.

Regardless of one’s personality, addiction can affect anyone. Although specific personality characteristics can be correlated with certain types of addiction, the idea of a single “addictive personality” grossly oversimplifies addiction.

As I explained in my article on the underlying causes of addiction, it is a complex issue with several potential contributing factors:

The underlying causes of addiction include trauma, unmet needs, or other emotionally painful experiences resulting in the desire to cope in the short-term through substances or behaviors that mask the pain, resulting in long-term harm. 

With this in mind, let’s consider the various reasons why it is important to dispel the myth of the addictive personality.

There Is No Scientific Consensus 

Researchers studying the correlation between personality and addiction have been unable to reach a consensus regarding a single “addictive personality.” Instead, many studies have found the importance of specific traits that may differ across each type of addiction.

Although there is no consensus regarding an addictive personality, one of the most significant traits observed in the research is low self-regulation. Low self-regulation means having difficulty controlling impulses, but it can also mean difficulty pulling oneself away from narrow areas of focus. On one end of the personality spectrum, low self-regulation can look like hyperactivity, while on the other end, low self-regulation can look like obsessive focus.

In Maia Szalavitz’s book, Unbroken Brain, she analyses the past twenty years of “addictive personality” research, in addition to sharing her own experience with an addiction to heroin and cocaine. As an anxious straight-A student who always followed the rules, no one suspected she would develop an addiction. She states:

“Children who ultimately develop addictions tend to be outliers in several measurable ways. Yes, some stand out because they are antisocial and callous—but others stand out because they are overly moralistic and sensitive.”

Rather than being about a single personality type, there are various personality types associated with increased risk. These personality types are generally found on opposite extreme ends of an impulsivity spectrum. As she states:

“While those who are the most impulsive and eager to try new things are at highest risk, the odds of addiction are also elevated in those who are compulsive and fear novelty. It is extremes of personality and temperament—some of which are associated with talents, not deficits—that elevates risk. Giftedness and high IQ, for instance, are linked with higher rates of illegal drug use than having average intelligence.”

We often think of persons with low self-regulation as lacking impulse control, as in the stereotyped image of ADHD. What is often neglected is how compulsiveness, at the opposite end of the personality spectrum, is also associated with low self-regulation. Maia Szalavitz shares her personal experience with this issue:

 “I had trouble stopping intellectual engagement, not starting it.”

As someone with mild work addiction, I can personally relate to this issue. From the outside, completing a PhD and writing over 80 articles on this site looks like a high degree of self-regulated focus. However, I experienced it as quite the opposite. Not doing these things would be more difficult since it takes an active effort for me to stop doing them, similar to a person trying to stop using substances.

Luckily, this is something I have insight into, so I carefully monitor it to minimize negative impacts on other areas of my life. To learn more about this balance, check out my article on when something becomes an addiction.

Although I have been able to turn this tendency into an asset, it could easily cause destruction if it results in too much neglect in other areas. Also, this tendency can easily become fixated on other addictive substances or behaviors if not kept in check.

Addiction is found in the extremes of a spectrum. Too often, addiction is classified as something you either have or don’t have. Rather, you can be mildly addicted to something if it has minimal harm in your life or severely addicted to something if it has a significant negative impact.

In the same way that addiction is not merely something you have or don’t have, it is a complex issue that does not look the same for everyone. Addiction is strongly associated with low self-regulation, but the way low self-regulation manifests looks different for everyone.

A 2018 study on the personality profiles of addiction found that different types of addiction attract different types of personality. Regarding these trends, the study found the following:

• Alcohol use disorders identified by lower extraversion and openness to experience.

• Drug use disorders and compulsive sexual behavior have similar personalities.

• Gambling disorder has similar personality to healthy controls.

These correlations provide further evidence against the idea of a single “addictive personality.” It is also interesting to note that persons with an addiction to gambling did not differ from the personality of the general non-addicted population. Regarding gambling disorder, the study concludes:

“…treatment centers and counselors may need to address environmental issues in these individuals, rather than focusing exclusively on risky personality traits.”

I’d go even further to argue that although there are some general trends in personality differences between various types of addiction, it is always necessary to treat individuals based on their unique personality traits, character strengths, and personal histories.

Although the science is relatively clear on the importance of self-regulation in addiction, even this concept manifests quite differently across each individual. There is no substitute for a person-centered approach to addiction.

It Does Not Explain Addiction

Rather than clarifying why someone may have developed an addiction, the concept of the addictive personality obscures the underlying causes, reducing everything to a perceived personality defect. Like the myth of a single “addiction gene,” we tend to seek simple answers to complex questions. In doing so, we gain certainty at the cost of genuine understanding. Although an array of genetic factors may contribute to an increased risk of developing an addiction, there is no single addiction gene.

These simplistic single-origin explanations label persons with addiction as fundamentally different. This false certainty can give the illusion that one is immune from developing an addiction if one does not exhibit certain traits.

The concept of an “addictive personality” is a convenient way to package addiction’s messy reality into the black box of a pseudo-psychological label. The concept’s explanatory power is equivalent to saying, “they have an addiction because they are an addict.”

Addiction is caused by various factors and the concept of an “addictive personality” erases this reality by simply attributing all addiction to a single variable. As shared in my article on what drives addiction:

“Addiction is driven by neurological changes related to dopamine, the reward center, and the brain’s self-regulatory center. This produces a learned pattern of coping with underlying pain or unmet needs.”

This brief explanation does not even scratch the surface, so check out the full article for further detail if you are interested.

It Can Be Stigmatizing 

Such superficial explanations are also stigmatizing. An example can be seen in the stereotyped concept of the “degenerate gambler.” Like the idea of the “addictive personality,” concepts like “addict” often carry the weight of judgmental attitudes. Although persons in 12-step recovery may choose to identify themselves as a “gambler, alcoholic, or an addict,” it is not anyone else’s place to bestow such a label.

I interact with “persons with an addiction” in the same way I would interact with “persons with depression.” I wouldn’t walk into a mental health rehabilitation unit and refer to the clients as “depressives.” The comparison is not perfect because the “addict” labels have become normalized in 12-step recovery, but using the label for oneself is a personal choice.

When these labels are appropriately internalized in the context of 12-step recovery, they can be empowering. When they are given to you by someone else, they can feel alienating. Introducing oneself as an addict at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting feels very different than someone else saying, “You’re an addict.” The former indicates acceptance and the desire to maintain abstinence, whereas the latter often suggests judgment and misunderstanding.

The concept of an addictive personality can serve as a permanent mark of “defectiveness,” taking away hope in a situation already marked by a lack of hope. As shared in my article on stigma, Stephanie described her constant fear of judgment while in active addiction.

“I was hopeless and believed that I would not be able to get help. In my own head, I was a lost cause.”

When someone feels judged, they are less likely to reach out for help, prolonging their struggle with addiction. The concept of the addictive personality may contribute to this issue when the label is perceived as a form of judgment.

Conclusion

The concept of the addictive personality has been one of the most stubborn myths in the addiction field. Although persons lacking self-regulation are at an increased risk of addiction, issues in this area range from hyperactivity and impulsiveness to obsessiveness and compulsivity.

Each type of addiction has a different general trend in personality traits. Although this is the case, these trends are still not necessarily useful in clinical settings where each individual brings their unique cluster of personality traits, character strengths, and personal histories.

Lastly, relying on the concept of an addictive personality can be stigmatizing since it tends to be an overgeneralization based on a set of stereotyped negative characteristics.

The concept of an addictive personality is not useful for explaining addiction, nor is it helpful in treating addiction. As described in my article on the root causes of addiction, the causes of addiction include trauma, pain, and unmet needs such as purpose, belonging, and self-esteem. As in the insightful words of Gabor Maté:

“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.”

If you want to learn more about the lived experience of addiction, check out my article, What Does Addiction Feel Like?

To learn more about our underlying psychological needs, check out my article, What Are Our Underlying Needs?

For more on the root causes of addiction, check out my interview with Stephanie from Aegis Health Group:

As an addiction counselor, my approach to helping clients is based on recognizing these underlying factors. Recovery results from effectively turning toward the underlying pain in a self-compassionate way, uncovering core values, and building habits of committed action.

If you reside in Canada, I am currently taking clients for online counseling, in addition to in-person sessions for persons who live in the Windsor-Essex area. If you are interested in learning more, you can fill out the form below, and I will contact you for a free 15-min phone consultation.

Underlying Causes of Addiction

Underlying Causes of Addiction

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When considering the underlying causes of addiction, it is important to remember there is no universal answer. As an addiction counselor, I have met various individuals with unique stories and have observed how addiction generally results from some form of pain. As explained in my article on the root causes of addiction, these forms of pain may include trauma, intrusive thoughts, or unmet needs.

Although each person has their own unique story, I’ve noticed some general trends that explain why certain people may be drawn to certain substances or behaviors to cope with underlying pain.

The underlying causes of addiction include trauma, unmet needs, or other emotionally painful experiences resulting in the desire to cope in the short-term through substances or behaviors that mask the pain, resulting in long-term harm. 

Addictive substances or behaviors provide the illusion of one’s need being met while further taking one away from genuinely meeting their needs in the long-term. Throughout this article, I focus on how specific substances or behaviors are generally used to escape from the pain of specific unmet needs.

As stated before, I have encountered many exceptions to these general tendencies. In this article, I draw on Stephanie’s experience, a fellow recovery advocate who is in long-term recovery from stimulants and opioids. Her experience illustrates some general patterns I have observed, but as always, it is essential to assess each individual independently to determine their underlying unmet needs.

I share Stephanie’s fuller story of addiction and recovery here, and you can contact her on Facebook here. You can also check out an interview we did for Aegis Health Group on YouTube here.

Underlying Causes of Addiction to Stimulants

Some common stimulants include cocaine/ crack, crystal-meth, and other amphetamines. Producing a stimulating effect on the central nervous system, they often make users feel energized, confident, and powerful.

Of all the substance categories, stimulants produce the highest levels of dopamine response in the brain. This neurological effect is responsible for the increased risk of psychological addiction since dopamine is the primary neurotransmitter associated with addiction, as explained in my article on what drives addiction.

An underlying cause of addiction to stimulants is low self-esteem. Simulants offer a short-term escape from the pain of low self-esteem. This is reinforced by the high levels of dopamine production in the brain, causing a sense of confidence and invincibility. 

Stephanie shares the following experience:

“The first time I did cocaine, I felt like I was invincible. If I spoke, I said all the right things; if I danced, I hit every move perfectly. It was the first time I felt completely confident in myself. When you use coke, you have a lot of friends. Being picked on most of my life, being the popular girl was just as enticing as the drug. For once, I felt what I thought was happy, on top.”

This initial experience reinforced the brain’s learning mechanism in the dopamine pathways since a significant source of pain had been unexpectedly solved.

Like figuring out how to hunt a large animal successfully, resolving the hunger pains of our ancient ancestors, the dopamine response reinforces the importance of continuing the specific behavior that preceded the relief of the pain.

This learning mechanism has been fundamental to acquiring new skills to solve problems throughout human history. The dopamine response is mainly triggered when the reward is unexpected. Stephanie shares that the first time she used cocaine in a similar way. She described it as an “ah-ha!!! Moment”. Stephanie shared the following regarding her unmet need for self-esteem:

“All my life, I grew up believing I was ugly, stupid, weird. I felt unlovable and ostracized. When I did coke, none of that mattered. I was beautiful and smart and funny.”

Although low self-esteem is a common cause of stimulant addiction, there are many other underlying causes. Another common situation I’ve encountered includes the use of stimulants to regulate one’s focus.

This is particularly common among persons who have ADHD. Rather than feeling agitated and aggressive, stimulants can have a calming effect by strengthening parts of the pre-frontal cortex, increasing one’s ability to regulate one’s focus. Research demonstrates the relationship between untreated ADHD and cocaine use.

Many people abuse stimulants for reasons beyond those mentioned here. These are just some of the major themes I’ve encountered, shedding light on some common causes.

Underlying Causes of Opioid Addiction

Common opioids include substances such as heroin, Oxycodone, and Fentanyl. Opioids are central nervous system depressants which also have an analgesic effect. This means they are calming and have a pain-relieving effect.

Of all the substance categories, opioids produce the highest risk of physical dependence. The intense pain produced by the withdrawals contributes to the highly addictive nature of these substances. Working in a withdrawal facility, I witnessed many people going through this fierce agony first hand. At its worst, it looked like a demon was trying to escape their bones. If you want to learn more about opioid withdrawals, check out my article, What Does Opioid Withdrawal Feel Like?

The withdrawal of opioids is so powerful due to the rebound effect. This means the withdrawals are generally the exact opposite of the effect produced by the drug. Opioids produce an intensely soothing effect, often compared to a warm hug.

Underlying causes of opioid addiction include lacking a sense of being loved, feeling isolated, or dealing with a great deal of emotional pain, in addition to the high level of physical dependence facilitated by this class of substances.

Stephanie shares her experience with opioids as the following:

“When I did opiates, I was in another failing relationship. The one that was supposed to love me was the one making me feel unlovable. He was constantly putting me down and cheating on me. The first time I ever used, I felt this warm hug wash over me, and the pain of the abuse went away. I was numb, and if he started in on me again, I would just close my eyes a tune him out. I didn’t care. It was the only thing that made me feel the way I did when him and I first met, and I was lying in his arms. I found a way to have that without him.”

Just as painkillers numb physical pain, they also numb emotional pain. Recent research demonstrating this effect studied the impact of acetaminophen on social rejection. Although painkillers numb emotional pain, this effect is fleeting since tolerance to opioids rapidly builds. This causes users to require a significantly larger dose over time to maintain the same effect.

Stephanie describes this experience as the following:

“The warm hug wears off and is only there for a fleeting second. It’s all just to stay normal.”

Like all addictions, the initial effect fades, and the primary purpose of using becomes an attempt to feel somewhat normal. Due to the physically addictive nature of opioids, the pain of withdrawal is continually looming on the horizon.

Although opioids can produce intense pleasure, it is a myth to assume everyone responds the same way. Research demonstrates a large variability in individual subjective responses to opioid use. I have witnessed this in my encounters with individuals who have used opioids primarily as a way to be more productive or function better at work.

Although opioids are a central nervous system depressant, some users report having more energy and the ability to complete tasks they would otherwise find boring. This same response is also found in the ability to stay up later, get up earlier, or be more productive in the gym. Although these things are often associated with stimulant use, opioids can facilitate this type of response by numbing the painful elements of these tasks, making them easier to complete.

Like stimulants, there are a variety of potential responses someone can have to opioids. Therefore, it is essential to consider how each individual is affected by the substance and what they are using it to achieve.

Underlying Causes of Gambling Addiction

Although many people understand how substances can be addictive due to their composition and direct chemical effect on neurophysiological processes, it might be hard to understand how behaviors such as gambling and gaming can have the same effect.

The underlying causes of gambling addiction include random rewards that hijack the brain’s dopaminergic reward mechanism, combined with the illusion of hope for winning back losses, the desire to escape from emotional pain, and a sense of belonging or specialness.

Recall the previous description of dopamine and the brain’s reward mechanism. Gambling hijacks this reward system due to the unpredictable nature of random rewards. Newer slot machines are designed to heighten this dopamine response even further by incorporating several features that result in more opportunities for a surprise. False wins, free spins, and bonuses are some of these features.

False wins are spins where a “win” is triggered, but the amount you receive is less than the amount you bet. Since dopamine responds to the surprise more than the amount won, false wins provide the opportunity for more frequent surprises without having to pay out.

Free spins are another common feature that allows the machine to surprise the player, often accompanied by special graphics or sounds. Like false wins, they allow the machine to incorporate further surprises without necessarily having to pay.

This sense of constant anticipation is a common feature of gambling addiction. In the beginning, it may start as a sense of hope for a better future. As reported in a Vice article:

“People don’t play the lottery because they expect to get rich. They play the lottery because it’s fun to indulge in the fantasy that, one day, their lives could suddenly get easier.”

Like opioid addiction, the warm glow of this glimmering hope quickly dissolves into desperation and the need to escape underlying pain.

In an article in The Guardian, Craig shares this experience:

“Gambling for me wasn’t about chasing the big win, it was about chasing the money I’d already lost.”

From the outside, gambling can seem like an activity focused on greed. For someone with a gambling addiction, the issue goes much deeper. It’s often not about the money. Instead, it is primarily a way to escape a painful reality. According to a participant in a study published in the Journal of Gambling Issues:

“It’s just been a nice escape for me, so even though it causes me grief at times, it’s an escape from reality… I think that’s the basic reason… to get away from reality, just go to a fairy world. Yeah, it’s an escape; wherever your mind blanks out, you don’t think about it. That’s it, your little hideaway, on that chair.”

Just like any addiction, short term relief comes at a long term cost.

Other common underlying features of gambling addiction are the thrills, the social environment, and the sense of importance.

When someone lacks a sense of belonging, they often cope by seeking out status or specialness. Casinos are built around this principle, fostering status and specialness through elaborate marketing and reward programs.

Casinos often have multiple tier-leveled membership programs based on the amount someone wagers throughout the year. With names like Gold, Platinum, or Diamond status, members strive to achieve the next level, giving them special access to parking, entrances, rooms, trips, and events.

Casino hosts are sent real-time electronic information on where members are playing, how much someone has spent, and any other relevant information such as birthdays. Members are greeted by name at their machine or table and offered incentives. Of particular interest are players spending increasing amounts of money.

Other common casino incentives include invitation-only gift giveaways where players are mailed an invitation to visit the venue to pick up a gift, which often consists of everyday household items like pots and pans.

Casino’s have a culture of their own, continually facilitating a sense of specialness. The casino marketing machine can artificially meet this need for those who are socially isolated or suffer from low self-esteem. Many people describe the casino as the only place they feel like “somebody.”

There are many underlying reasons for being drawn into a gambling addiction, most of which are not about the money. If anything, money becomes devalued to the point of feeling fake. Casinos and online gambling venues help facilitate this further by turning dollars into chips or credits.

Over time, these numbers merely signify how much longer someone is able to continue their escapism. At the extreme end, some people even become annoyed or agitated when they win a jackpot because it takes away their ability to continue playing, as they wait for venue staff to pay them out manually. At this point, money becomes nearly irrelevant, and the need to continue playing becomes the sole reason for playing.

Like all addictions, each person with a gambling addiction has a unique experience. Although I have presented some common underlying causes, one must fully inquire into how each individual experiences gambling to get their full perspective.

Underlying Causes of Gaming Addiction

As described in my article on why video games are addictive:

The underlying causes of gaming addiction include their ability to meet our basic psychological need for a sense of autonomy, purpose/progress, and social connection. Many games also incorporate random rewards, similar to gambling, in “loot boxes.” 

Video games provide an environment to experience a sense of autonomy/freedom from social constraints, reduced social anxiety, and allow for a sense of adventure. This is particularly relevant for persons who feel stuck, constrained, or bored/dissatisfied in their offline life.

Video games also provide a sense of purpose and progress through a mission orientation and the ability to level up. This is particularly relevant for persons who lack a sense of purpose in their offline world. Games offer this through various forms of leveling up in addition to encouraging a flow state where players feel completely immersed in the activity.

Video games also provide a platform for individuals to gain a sense of social connection with like-minded individuals. This offers a sense of connection that is particularly relevant for persons feeling isolated. Multiplayer online games can facilitate this through a team environment, whereas single-player role-play games provide an experience where you feel connected to a grand narrative imitating a hero’s journey.

When one’s underlying need for autonomy, purpose, and connection is unmet in one’s offline environment, games can be used to meet these needs virtually. Although gaming can be a healthy way to meet these needs when done in moderation, gaming addiction makes one psychologically dependent on games. Meeting one’s needs through games at the expense of meeting them in non-gaming environments further reinforces the appeal of gaming, making it more challenging to meet these needs offline.

Like all addictions, when gaming is used as a way to escape from pain, it can have long-term costs when the underlying issues are unaddressed.

Conclusion

This guide to the underlying causes of various types of addiction is not meant to be a strict template, but rather, a general way of understanding how certain substances or behaviors are commonly experienced.

At the core, persons with addiction are attempting to fill a void, escape from pain, or meet an unmet need. Although there is significant overlap between each substance/behavior, the specific details presented here are meant to help you gain deeper insight into the common subjective experiences of those struggling with addiction.

If you want to learn more about the subjective experience of addiction, check out my article, What Does Addiction Feel Like?

To learn more about our underlying psychological needs, check out my article, What Are Our Underlying Needs?

For more on the root causes of addiction, check out my interview with Stephanie from Aegis Health Group:

As an addiction counselor, my approach to helping clients is based on recognizing these underlying factors. Recovery results from effectively turning toward the underlying pain in a self-compassionate way, uncovering core values, and building habits of committed action.

If you reside in Canada, I am currently taking clients for online counseling, in addition to in-person sessions for persons who live in the Windsor-Essex area. If you are interested in learning more, please complete the form below, and I will contact you for a free phone consultation.

What Drives Addiction?

What Drives Addiction?

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When considering what drives addiction, there are many misconceptions. Persons with an addiction are not merely lacking will-power. Instead, they are coping with underlying issues through addictive substances or behaviors, causing long-term changes in the brain that make it difficult to escape the cycle of addiction.

As an addiction counselor, this is something I’ve learned both academically and through experience working with clients using addictive substances or engaging in addictive behaviors.

Addiction is driven by neurological changes related to dopamine, the reward center, and the self-regulatory center in the brain. This produces a learned pattern of coping with underlying pain or unmet needs. 

Let’s unpack this statement and make sense of what drives addiction in more specific terms.

The Neurological Drives 

Although addiction is often called a disease, recent research finds it is more aligned with the brain’s learning mechanisms. Therefore, addiction is a learned behavior, reinforced by the chronic use of a substance or behavior to stimulate pleasure or provide relief from pain.

For example, imagine you regularly carry a high level of stress or anxiety. When getting home from work, you drink a few alcoholic beverages to relax. Over time, this becomes a habit, requiring more alcohol to gain the same effect.

This is an unconsciously learned behavior because your brain discovers that the use of alcohol solves your current problem. The part of your brain learning this short-term adaptive behavior is distinct from the part of your brain in charge of higher reasoning that would rationally know this is not a long-term solution.

Let’s roughly distinguish between two major parts of the brain: the higher brain and the lower brain. This will be a rough neurological sketch, focusing on the main aspects relevant to addiction.

The higher brain is the rational outer layers developed later in evolutionary history. According to research, the most recent area is the pre-frontal cortex, located around the forehead, which is especially developed in humans. This part of the brain regulates emotions, providing impulse control.

The lower parts of the brain are involved in emotions and motivation. The central part involved in motivation is the Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA). The VTA produces dopamine, sending most of it to the pleasure center (Nucleus Accumbens), providing a reward. These rewards are triggered when you solve a problem, reinforcing this particular behavior. This is how behavior is learned and how we can adapt to new or challenging situations.

This learning mechanism in the lower parts of the brain is focused on short-term gains rather than the long-term planning associated with the higher brain. In any area of life, motivation is produced through dopamine production in the VTA when you successfully complete a novel task. This is particularly powerful when the reward is unexpected, as in the case of gambling. 

Although this process occurs primarily outside of the upper brain’s higher-order reasoning, the upper brain then gets consulted after the fact. The reward experienced in the lower brain gets communicated to the upper brain, telling it to make sense of this situation and plan for future scenarios where this behavior may need to be drawn on. For example, your upper brain will rationalize why it’s a good idea to continue using alcohol to cope with stress, in addition to planning for continued drinking.

This is a rough outline of the major neurological forces driving addiction. Beyond brain circuitry, the content of thoughts is also important, so let’s consider the cognitive realm.

The Cognitive Drives 

Simply put, cognition means the realm of thoughts. This activity occurs in the upper brain and is highly intertwined with the language centers. In the case of addiction, this can refer to the beliefs one has about oneself or one’s behavior.

For example, as previously mentioned, you may develop reasons why addictive behavior is necessary or beneficial. Perhaps drinking after work each evening is justified by the thought that it makes you a better parent since you are less stressed.

Addictions are often based on illusory ideas about unmet needs. For example, alcohol may promise relaxation, gambling may promise hope, opiates may promise love, and cocaine may promise self-esteem. These false promises are reinforced by the short-term effects of the substance or behavior, blinding you from the long-term consequences. Even when these consequences are recognized, the substance or behavior disguises itself as the savior.

Beyond the illusions and rationalizations that drive addiction, one’s thoughts about oneself are also an underlying driver. For example, many people are driven to addictive substances or behaviors to cope with the anxiety produced by the belief that they are not good enough.

These underlying thoughts regarding one’s self-worth may go back to childhood. Whether or not there was a major traumatic experience, many people internalize thoughts about themselves that were reinforced by others around them.

Growing up with the constant thought of not being good enough may escalate throughout one’s life, especially while taking on further responsibilities in adulthood. This can result in underlying anxiety regarding one’s ability to handle future situations, affecting one’s self-esteem as well.

This cascade of negative thoughts regarding oneself can lead to substances or behaviors as a form of short-term coping. As previously discussed, this short-term relief triggers the brain’s reward pathways, reinforcing a long-term pattern of habitual behavior.

The Interpersonal Drives 

The interpersonal realm consists of one’s quality of social connection. As discussed in my article, The Impact of Isolation on Addiction, I shared Bruce Alexander’s famous Rat Park Study. He highlights how addiction is a disease of isolation, where substances are used to cope with isolation, producing even more isolation.

Researchers discovered how rats tended to overdose in the Rat Park Study when provided drugs while alone in a cage. These overdoses no longer occurred when rats were kept in the company of other rats.

Human beings are social creatures and isolation causes us deep emotional pain. Social isolation is an often overlooked health concern and recent research suggests it is as dangerous as smoking.

In a TED Talk, Robert Waldinger emphasizes the dangers of social isolation, stating:

“Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.”

Physical health issues receive a great deal of attention, while interpersonal health is often neglected. Luckily, social determinates of health have gained traction in the scientific literature. Recent research looked at the impact of loneliness as a risk factor for mortality and found:

“Current evidence indicates that heightened risk for mortality from a lack of social relationships is greater than obesity.”

Coping with isolation through addictive substances or behavior is one-way social isolation can affect one’s physical health. For example, coming home from a stressful day to an empty home may result in coping through consuming alcohol.

Without addressing the underlying isolation and unmet social needs, one’s physical health may deteriorate as the short-term coping results in long-term harm. This can make it increasingly difficult to meet one’s underlying needs in a healthy way in the long-term.

Conclusion 

The neurological, cognitive, and interpersonal processes driving addiction are all intertwined. Although it is possible to analyze addiction on multiple levels, addiction is often experienced as a way to gain relief from an underlying source of pain, whether it’s past trauma, anxious thoughts, depressed moods, or the pain of social isolation.

If you want to learn more about the lived experience of addiction, I’ve written more on the topic in the article, What Does Addiction Feel Like?

If you want to learn more about the psychological factors driving addiction, check out my article, What are the Root Causes of Addiction?

As an addiction counselor, my approach to helping clients is based on recognizing these underlying factors. Recovery is the result of effectively turning toward the underlying pain in a self-compassionate way, uncovering core values, and building habits of committed action.

If you reside in Canada, I am currently taking clients for online counselling, in addition to in-person sessions for persons who live in the Windsor-Essex area. If you are interested in learning more, please complete the form below, and I will contact you for a free phone consultation.

7 Ways to Stop Gambling and Save Money

7 Ways to Stop Gambling and Save Money

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As a certified gambling counselor, I’ve often been asked how to stop gambling. Some individuals just want to save money, realizing they have been spending too much on gambling. Others are looking to completely stop gambling because they have lost control, and it is causing significant problems in their lives.

In this article, I provide seven ways to stop gambling and save money. I’ve developed these strategies over several years of working within a casino doing problem gambling prevention, helping people who are struggling with their gambling, in addition to working within a hospital setting, providing residential support to persons recovering from problem gambling.

Although gambling functions like any other addiction, there are some important distinctions to consider. Hopefully, this article helps you make sense of the unique features of problem gambling, in addition to providing some useful tools to help you gain back control.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an addiction, you can check out my resource page for suggestions on how to find help.

Let go of common gambling fallacies

Unlike other forms of addiction, gambling relies on the powerful force of random reinforcement. Rewards are distributed randomly, causing players to develop distorted thoughts regarding their level of control over the outcome. This is especially powerful if someone had an early big win.

Here are some common gambling myths and reasons why they are not true:

“I have a system for winning.”

This is an illusion of control. Although our minds are built to find patterns and predict outcomes, this is not helpful in the artificial world of gambling where outcomes are random. Seeking the need for coherence and understanding, we develop rigid rationalizations, trying to make sense of the outcomes. We may feel like we have a system, but outcomes in casino gambling are random.

“It is due to pay out soon.”

This is a form of false hope. For slot machines, and several other forms of electronic gaming, outcomes are determined by a random number generator (RNG). It is a computer chip that automatically generates thousands of random number combinations every second and is always running, even when you are not playing. Hitting the “spin” button selects the random number it happens to be generating at that exact moment, converting it to a position on the reels. Therefore, it is never due to pay.

“If I keep playing, I can win my money back.”

This is another form of false hope based on the idea that hard work should ultimately pay off. Although this may be an adaptive rule in real life, it does not apply in the gambling world. Casino games are always configured to take more money than they give back. This is also known as the “house edge”.

Although outcomes are random, the amount of money you get for a win is less than the amount you spend on a loss. For example, it’s like betting $1 on a coin toss and only getting around $0.85 if you win. Since you’ll end up paying $1 roughly half the time and earning $0.85 roughly half the time, you can see how this is a losing game in the long-run. In casino gambling, the longer you play, the more you pay.

“I feel lucky today.”

This is the illusion of control, combined with false hope. Our intuitions may serve us well in everyday life, allowing us to sense subtle social cues and adjust our behaviours accordingly. In the world of gambling, intuition is more like a form of magical thinking.

Other forms of magical thinking include the use of good-luck charms, prayers, or rituals such as touching the machine in a certain way. If this is simply for entertainment purposes, it may be harmless, but if it is an attempt to control the outcome, it will merely lead to further disappointment in the long-term.

These gambling fallacies promise a sense of control and hope for a better future, but they are illusions that actually do the opposite. You may feel a false sense of control and hope in the short-term, at the expense of genuine control and hope in the long-term.

Decide if gambling is really worth it

Deciding to stop gambling ultimately comes down to whether or not gambling is worth it. Even if it’s not worth it monetarily, most people who have problems with gambling say it’s not about the money. You can recognize the financial downside, but still enjoy the sense of escape.

Here are some common reasons people continue gambling:

“Gambling makes me happier”

Even if you know you are spending more money than you are getting back, you may justify continued gambling based on its ability to make all of the world’s problems go away temporarily. Using gambling to escape is one of the most common forms of gambling, especially among those who use electronic games such as slot machines.

Although many people in the early stages of problematic gambling may believe it makes them happier, this illusion is often shattered when their lives become unmanageable. Gambling offers a false promise of happiness, just like it offers the false illusion of control and false hope for a better future. Genuine happiness can be built, only after letting go of the illusion provided by gambling.

“I can make money gambling”

I have heard this several times from persons who engage in professional forms of gambling where a significant amount of skill is involved. For example, tournament poker allows players to gain a slight mathematical edges on one another, making it a game of both skill and chance.

The first question I would ask is whether or not your gambling is actually profitable. Do you keep a balance sheet, closely tracking your wins and losses? Are you treating your gambling like a business? If so, and you are profitable, I would ask you this question: Is it worth it?

Let’s say you’re actually able to make a bit of money. Is this amount of money worth the roller-coaster of stress? Is it worth risking the relationships it is perhaps putting in jeopardy? Is it worth the constant lying, loss of integrity, and resulting low self-esteem?

What do you truly value in life? Is gambling getting you closer or further away from that?

I’ll be bored if I stop gambling”

Many people looking for gambling support can’t imagine their lives without it. By this point, gambling often becomes a full-time job. Spending so much time gambling, other hobbies and interests go by the wayside. In my years talking to patrons who frequently visit the casino, one of the most common reasons to continue gambling is that there is nothing else to do.

Although gambling may feel like the only form of leisure activity currently, I’ve seen many people adjust to an enjoyable life outside gambling. It may take some brainstorming at first, but given time, it is possible to rekindle old hobbies and find new fulfilling activities to engage in.

This fear of boredom is common in all addictions, so if you’re interested in learning more, check out my article 16 Reasons Being Sober Is Worth It. Many of the lessons apply to gambling as well.

Self-exclude or use a gambling blocker

This is another area unique to gambling addiction. Unlike bars and liquor stores, you can ban yourself from casinos and block yourself from gambling sites. This has actually been a significant part of my role within casinos. When someone decides they want to ban themselves (self-exclude) from a casino, there is a process to sign themselves out while receiving emotional support and information on treatment resources.

GameSense is a larger North American organization dedicated to this form of support. Since I’m familiar with the North American system, I will just speak to my understanding of the process in this context. Also, procedures may vary depending on the casino.

Larger venues owned by major chains often have sophisticated facial recognition software. When signing yourself out, your photo is taken and entered into the system, alerting security if you enter. Recently, I’ve witnessed considerable gains in the accuracy of this facial recognition software.

Self-exclusion provides an immediate deterrent, allowing someone to form new habits. Unfortunately, gambling is now everywhere. Many people who cannot enter the casino may take up gambling online. One helpful application that provides an online version of self-exclusion is Bet Blocker. This is an app that blocks all gambling-related content and can be installed on your computer or mobile phone.

Replace gambling with other activities

Once you’ve decided to commit to changing your habits, it is important to consider healthy replacements for gambling. Since gambling can take up a significant amount of one’s time, self-excluding can often result in boredom, fuelling the desire to return to gambling.

Consider the things you used to do before gambling took over. If these activities are no longer appropriate, consider trying new activities or learning a new skill. If you’re interested in learning something new, I recommend checking out sites like Skillshare. With thousands of classes to choose from, this online community allows you to gain new skills, network with peers, and find new opportunities. Check out their free trial here.

*As an affiliate partner with Skillshare, I receive a commission if you sign up for a free trial.

Identify your gambling triggers

Identifying your gambling triggers means noticing the people, places, and things that make you automatically desire gambling. This may be a specific group of friends, a particular route on your drive, or having access to a particular device.

Many people who regularly visit a gambling venue form friendships around their shared interest in gambling. Although this may be a healthy form of social connection for some, it can be unhealthy for others who feel trapped in patterns of gambling. It becomes even more problematic when people begin loaning money or asking for loans.

Gambling venues have their own internal culture and networks of regular visitors, providing a sense of belonging. It is crucial to notice when the people you surround yourself with are not aligned with your values. If you find yourself lending money to others, it could be helpful to determine if this is a form of co-dependency. To learn more, check out my article, When Does Helping Become Enabling?

When it comes to places that might be triggering, consider where you are when you feel the urge to gamble. Is this along a specific part of your drive? Is this during a particular part of your day? Many people find it helpful to take new routes home or include social supports in specific aspects of their day when they regularly feel the strongest desire to gamble.

Lastly, consider the specific things in your life that trigger gambling. For some people, this may mean getting a non-smartphone or a phone without access to the internet. Since gambling is now accessible everywhere, merely having a smartphone can be a strong trigger in early recovery. If taking a break from your device is not feasible, perhaps it could mean blocking or deleting certain apps.

Uncover what’s driving your gambling

As stated earlier, when gambling becomes an addiction, it is often no longer about the money. Gambling is often used as a way to escape from deeper issues such as stress, anxiety, pain, boredom, or loneliness.

Consider any unmet needs and how gambling is serving as a temporary solution at a long-term cost, taking you further away from actually meeting these needs.

To learn more about these unmet needs, check out my recent article: What Are Our Underlying Needs?

In that article, I delve into the six underlying needs driving addictive forms of coping, offering tips on how to meet these needs more effectively, in addition to providing further resources.

Seek gambling-specific counseling

If you want to gain back control over your gambling, reaching out for support significantly increases your odds of success. Various mental health and addiction professionals may be helpful, but many people do not realize there are dedicated gambling counselors who specialize in this specific area.

If you are starting to think gambling is no longer worth it, I am currently accepting new clients residing in Canada or the US.

Send me a message below to request a free 15 min phone consultation or click here to learn more.

Contact

16 Reasons Being Sober Is Worth It

16 Reasons Being Sober Is Worth It

On the go? Listen to the audio version of the article here:

If you are thinking about addressing your relationship to alcohol or substances, you may ask yourself if being sober is worth it. Sobriety may look boring, difficult, and unappealing, but the drinking or substance use might be starting to impact the rest of your life, making things even more challenging to manage. 

It may feel like you have to choose between chaos and boredom. Right now, these may seem like the only options. Fortunately, there is another way forward.

In this article, I share the experience of Stephanie, a fellow recovery advocate. Four years ago, Stephanie could not imagine living in a state of sobriety. Now, she is pursuing her dream of helping others in recovery. Here are her reasons why it’s worth being sober:

Being sober is worth it because you can live a life of meaning and purpose, you feel healthier and more vital, you’re thriving rather than just coping with life, and you’re no longer living in a constant state of guilt and shame. 

The decision to stop drinking or using substances can often feel like an internal debate, so let’s consider the arguments for and against each of these reasons. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health or addiction issues, you can check out my resource page for suggestions on how to find help.

You can live a life of meaning and purpose 

People may turn to substances due to boredom or the lack of meaning and purpose in life. Using a substance to cope with daily life may take the edge off temporarily, but it further entrenches a person into patterns of behavior that make it more difficult to escape. 

You get to build the life that you want.

Your mind may argue, “I don’t know what kind of life I want to build anyway…”

Stephanie says:

“You can build any life you want. Sobriety is a rebirth into clear-headedness. You can pick what you want to do and build your goals from that.”

A helpful technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) requires gaining clarity regarding your values. One way to do this is to think of a particular role model in your life. What characteristics do they have? What do you value about them? How might you live by some of these values in your own life?  

Your life is worth living every day.

Your mind may argue, “But my life is not worth living. I’m hopeless, and I’m a burden on others. They would be better off without me.”

Stephanie says:

“Every life is worth something. Addiction makes us think that we are nothing. We feel we have nothing left to offer, and all we have done is hurt our families and friends. When we are not using, we can build more meaningful relationships and build a life we feel is worth living.”

A helpful ACT technique consists of taking a step back from thoughts like “I’m worthless.” Rather than thinking, “I’m worthless,” consider rephrasing it as “I’m having the thought that I’m worthless.” This small change of wording in your self-talk makes a significant difference, allowing you to take a step back and regain focus on what matters. 

You get to see your kids grow up

If you have kids, your mind may tell you they don’t notice, it makes you more fun around them, or it’s not that bad.

Stephanie says:

“Addiction tells us we can use so that it can work it’s way in and set roots. Are you sure you are more fun around your children? They may have a very different perspective. We think we can hide our use, but it is not always hidden as well as we think. Think about when a person is drunk and trying to be quiet.”

If you have any variation of these thoughts, it may be useful to take a step back and reconsider what others might be seeing. In ACT, this consists of perspective-taking. Imagine looking into your child’s eyes, and you see them looking back into yours. Put yourself behind their eyes, looking back at you. What qualities do you want them to see in you? What qualities would you want to see in yourself?

You can help the community in a way others can’t.

Your mind may tell you, “what did the community ever do for me?”

Stephenie says:

“Not all of the community is against you, and you have allies. You will not be alone. But no one can help you unless you help yourself first. Although the work is going to be within you, you will need outside support, and with time, you can find that.”

One of the key lessons in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is the healing power of connecting with something beyond yourself. For some, this may be connecting with their understanding of a higher power. For others, this can mean connecting with a community.  

You’re thriving, rather than just coping

When using substances to cope with underlying pain or boredom, this short-term solution prevents one from achieving a state of thriving. Instead of just getting by, sobriety allows you to strive toward your full potential.

You never worry if your utilities will be shut off.

Your mind may tell you that you don’t have financial problems, so this is not a concern. 

Stephenie says:

“…addiction makes millionaires into homeless people. I’ve seen it a lot.”

Even if drinking or substance use does not lead to financial issues in the present, it could result in increasingly putting off financial responsibilities and disorganization in many areas of your life. 

You learn to deal with life in a way that isn’t going to kill you.

Your mind may tell you, “It’s only a few beers or a bottle of wine in the evening.”

Stephanie says:

“It starts as a couple on the weekend and then turns into a few a night. Eventually, the party always ends, and the nightmare begins. It always ends the same way, and it’s not pretty. It will kill you; it’s only a matter of when.”

When drinking or substance use gets out of one’s control, it can spiral downward at a rapid pace. The difference between casual drinking and drinking to cope with underlying issues is that the latter eventually gets out of one’s control, causing increasing harms as use escalates. 

You’re not living in a constant state of withdrawal.

If you experience physical pain when stopping opioids or constant shakes when stopping alcohol, your life may start to revolve around obtaining the substance to feel normal.

Stephanie says:

 “…no withdrawals is freedom for me. That was what held me prisoner. I couldn’t be sick like that.”

Freedom from continually impending withdrawal means having a significantly greater amount of choice in one’s life. 

You’re not living in content guilt and shame

Guilt is a sense of doing something wrong, whereas shame is the sense of being a bad person. Both often show up when struggling with substances.

You earn back respect and trust.

Your mind may tell you it’s hopeless and that no one will ever trust you again. It may feel hopeless right now, but trust can be rebuilt over time. 

Stephanie says:

“Trust can be built. While it’s harder to build with some and some relationships will never be repaired, we can build new relationships and repair the ones that are fixable.”

When trust is lost, words alone are no longer enough. Trust is built through repeated patterns of committed action over time.  

You don’t feel worthless anymore.

Your mind may tell you’re worthless and that you don’t deserve a better life. 

Stephanie says:

“We can’t change what others think, but we can change what we think. When we look into the mirror, the person we see in addiction is very different than the person we see in recovery. I am happier with who I see, and I see the people around me change how they deal with me and treat me.”

Changing what we think requires recognizing these patterns of unhelpful thoughts and changing the way we respond to them. Greet the thought like an old friend, telling it that it’s not helpful right now. Then, letting it be, ask yourself what matters right now. Then, move forward, committing to actions that are most relevant to the things that matter.   

You feel healthier and more vital 

There are many health benefits to sobriety. Although we may often hear this from medical doctors, it is hard to internalize unless we experience it first-hand. 

There are no hangovers.

This is the most obvious and immediate benefit of being sober. Hangovers can derail our entire day, taking us further away from moving toward a valued direction in life. 

With the increased energy and improved mood, you can focus on more meaningful areas of life rather than merely coping with a state of impaired health and well-being. 

You’re more present, focused, and sharper.

Chronic substance use can impair your ability to think quickly, clearly, and retain information. Depending on the substance, the effect can vary, but I’ve personally talked to many people who noticed a significant negative impact on their brain function.

Stephanie says:

“You can see life clearly and find solutions to the issues we would have normally not been able to because drugs would be clouding our perceptions.”

This clarity allows for increased progress in all areas of life. Being sober can lead to improved memory, cognitive function, in addition to an enhanced ability to cope with stress.

You have a better schedule.

When frequently using alcohol or other substances, life can become chaotic, making it challenging to stick to a schedule. 

Stephanie says:

“You are not up all night using and sleeping all day. Having irregular sleep patterns leads to us generally feeling yucky and doesn’t help in maintaining a life we can be proud of.”

When regaining a sense of order and healthy habits, motivational momentum snowballs into building a life you can be proud of. 

Conclusion

When contemplating sobriety, the voices in your head may be engaged in an endless debate. As described in my article on the Types of Denial in Addiction, our minds can make up many reasons why we don’t have a problem.

If you are thinking about getting sober and are wondering if it’s worth it, hopefully the reasons presented here can help you in your journey. If you would like to reach out to Stephanie, you can find her on Facebook here. You can also check out her powerful story of addiction and recovery here.

Although being sober has been worth it for Stephanie, along with many other individuals I’ve spoken to, there are still some people who may disagree. If being sober is just as difficult as using substances, or worse, this may be a sign that some underlying issues are needing to be addressed. 

If this is you, counseling may be a helpful way to work through difficult thoughts and painful emotions driving the urge to use substances. For more information, see my article on The Benefits of Counseling.

As an addiction counselor, I offer online counseling to persons struggling with alcohol, substances, gambling, and gaming. If you would like to discuss whether counseling is right for you, contact me here.