by Steve Rose | Apr 15, 2014 | Identity, Purpose, and Belonging
“No living being can be happy or even exist unless his needs are sufficiently proportioned to his means.”
– Émile Durkheim
Émile Durkheim, one of the founding fathers of sociology, has developed a reputation as being dry, detached, or no longer relevant in light of the trendy post-structural theorists. I used to think this as well until I read his book, Suicide. Before I knew it, I was hooked on Durkheim. Parts of his work can be extremely engaging and many of his critiques are more relevant today than ever before!
In his discussion of ‘anomie’, Durkheim states that the key to happiness is having our needs proportionate to our means. According to Durkheim, our “needs” are our desires. As humans, our desires are infinite and insatiable, unless regulated by social forces. Our “means” are the ability to achieve our goals to satisfy our desire.
Contrary to the modern idea that breaking free from social restraint will contribute to our happiness, Durkheim argues the exact opposite. Freedom from social restraint would place an individual in an environment of constant disappointment since their unlimited desires would infinitely surpass their means. Durkheim states:
Unlimited desires are insatiable by definition and insatiability is rightly considered a sign of morbidity. Being unlimited, they constantly and infinitely surpass the means at their command; they cannot be quenched. Inextinguishable thirst is constantly renewed torture…. To pursue a goal which is by definition unattainable is to condemn oneself to a state of perpetual unhappiness.’’
Worthy goals must be provided by social regulations that act as signposts to human action. Without socially sanctioned signposts regulating our actions, individuals seek constant stimulation, forever disappointed by the result, or succumb to a feeling of lost hopelessness. Durkheim writes:
All man’s pleasure in acting, moving and exerting himself implies the sense that his efforts are not in vain and that by walking he has advanced. However, one does not advance when one walks toward no goal, or—which is the same thing—when his goal is infinity.
Durkheim’s emphasis on the sense that by walking one has advanced, anticipates more recent research on the psychology of self-efficacy.
According to Albert Bandura, self-efficacy is:
“…the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage prospective situations.”
The feeling that one has advanced contributes to a sense of self-efficacy by reinforcing one’s ability to effectively work toward goals and gain mastery over the challenges one faces. Although progress toward one’s goals is self-generated, the goals themselves are not.
Durkheim’s major emphasis on the social nature of our goals is key to understanding the unique contribution of Durkheim’s sociological insight on happiness.
Consider any worth-while goal or endeavor and you will quickly realize it is marked by the stamp of social values. From hunting and gathering, to developing android apps, our goals are regulated by what is deemed valuable to a particular social context.
In The Division of Labour in a chapter titled, “The Progress of the Division of Labor and of Happiness,” Durkheim dispels the myth that the average happiness of a society increases as civilization develops. In the language of his time, he states:
“The normal savage can be quite as happy as the normal civilized man.”
This is the case because as stated before, happiness is not the expansion of desires through freedom from social regulation, but rather, it is the opposite: having one’s means proportionate to one’s socially tempered desires, providing a sense of purpose and progress toward these goals.
In line with his demeanor, Durkheim believed happiness is a serious endeavor. Although play is necessary, it does not contribute to long-term happiness since it only provides temporary pleasure. He states:
“The need of playing, acting without end and for the pleasure of acting, cannot be developed beyond a certain point without depriving oneself of serious life.”
The problem with “depriving oneself of serious life” is that it detaches an individual from the pursuit of the collective goals that keep the desires in check.
As stated above, these desires must be kept in check so that the individual feels connected to society and gains a sense that they are progressing. Durkheim reverses the idea that happiness depends on pleasure by stating pleasure depends on happiness:
But it appears fairly certain that happiness is something besides a sum of pleasures…Pleasure is local; it is a limited affection of a point in the organism or conscience… In short, what happiness expresses is not the momentary state of a particular function, but the health of physical and moral life in its entirety… Most often, on the contrary, pleasure depends upon happiness.
Durkheim anticipates a great deal of research on happiness in positive psychology.
Studies in positive psychology demonstrate that happiness is more like a thermostat than a savings account when it comes to stimulation. One study demonstrates how the happiness of lottery winners returns to a baseline after a period of time, showing they are no happier than a control group.
This is how the “normal civilized man,” with all his opportunity for stimulation can be just as happy as “the normal savage,” according to Durkheim. Happiness does not come from individual stimulation, it comes from an attachment to one’s society through meaningful social regulations.
In a world of ever-decreasing regulation, how can individuals find happiness?
Durkheim’s answer is that individuals need to specialize in a specific occupation they are suited for. In hunter-gatherer societies this role was provided to us directly, in feudal societies it was inherited, but in modern times it must be sought after and discovered. With ever-expanding opportunities, Durkheim emphasized the need for specialization:
We can then say that, in higher societies, our duty is not to spread our activity over a large surface, but to concentrate and specialize it. We must contract our horizon, choose a definite task and immerse ourselves in it completely.
In summary, happiness is not the escape from restriction or the accumulation of pleasures. Rather, it is found in social regulation through the pursuit of socially determined goals.
Pleasures are fleeting, leaving us, in time, back at a happiness-baseline. The threat of anomic unhappiness can be avoided by the sense that one progresses by engaging in social action.
Social action in modern times is extremely diverse and highly specialized, requiring individuals to seek out a specific occupational endeavor, whether it be developing a specific product, advocating for a specific cause, or caring for others in a specific fashion.
by Steve Rose | Feb 27, 2014 | Identity, Purpose, and Belonging
On the go? Listen to the audio version of the article here:
“Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear with almost any ‘how.'”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
What is the most basic human need?
Maslow’s famous hierarchy of needs has been a popular answer to this question. Maslow states a sense of safety and security is our most basic need, aside from food and sleep.
Although Maslow’s theory has its merits, there are many examples of individuals who thrive despite not having these needs met.
Throughout my research with veterans, I talked to many who thrived amidst the chaos of combat.
On the other hand, I’ve also come across many individuals who live in the safest and most secure environments but experience a great deal of despair.
Because of this, there must be something more important than the need for safety and security.
I believe the most important basic need is our need to be needed.
What is this need to be needed?
The need to be needed is an individual’s sense of significance rooted in the sense of being part of a community or cause beyond themselves.
The need to be needed is one of our fundamental desires. We want to feel significant in the eyes of others, even if it is only one other person. We want to feel like we play an important role, whether in an organization, family, or life of another.
The need to be needed is rooted in our need for a sense of contribution to something beyond ourselves.
When this need is unfulfilled in the case of job loss, divorce, or significant life-transitions, we may find ourselves beginning to lack a sense of contribution.
When this sense of contribution goes away, we lose a sense of purpose and direction.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, you can check out my resource page for suggestions on how to find help.
Let’s look take a closer look at how major life transitions affect our need to be needed.
Veterans in transition to civilian life can teach us a great deal about this topic.
The Need to be Needed in the Military
My argument that belonging is more important than safety and security comes from my research on veterans in transition to civilian life.
Many soldiers in combat flourish while knowing they could be killed at any moment. Sebastian Junger, in his book War, writes:
“It’s as if there was an intoxicating effect to group inclusion that more than compensated for the dangers the group had to face.”
Individuals in the combat unit rely on one another to fulfill a specific duty. Each person experiences the highest degree of being needed because their role is essential to the success of a mission.
Compare the high degree of being needed within a combat unit to the prospects facing a recent veteran. Veterans transition to a civilian environment that is much safer, but often fails to provide them with a sense being needed. Rather than flourishing, many begin a downward spiral into despair and suicidal thoughts.
Besides the lack of job prospects in general, employers often fail to recognize how a veteran’s skills can be valuable in a civilian role, and veterans may experience difficulties translating their professional military experience in an interview for a civilian position.
If you’re interested in exploring some life-lessons I’ve discovered in my in-depth discussions with veterans, you can check out my article, 6 Things Veterans Can Teach Us About Life.
When the Need to be Needed is Unhealthy
Although we need to feel needed, we need to be mindful if this turns into a form of addiction. Addiction to the need to be needed can also be called codependency.
Codependency occurs when our desire to contribute stems from a sense of not being enough. We are no longer human beings; we become human doings.
Every basic need has a dark side.
Our basic need for food can turn into an addiction, our need for safety and security can turn into anxiety and obsession, and our need for self-esteem can turn into narcissism.
The dark side of these needs comes from an attempt to fill an inner void with an external substance or behavior.
If our need to be needed is not met, we may overcompensate for our lack of love and belonging by trying to gain acceptance through continually doing things for others.
There are many different forms of codependency, but the most common is enabling someone with addiction by continually doing things for them to keep everything together. This form of “helping” is often an attempt to gain a sense of love.
In reality, the codependent person is operating in a state of complete self-neglect. Their self-worth and identity quickly erode into nothing. This sense of emptiness further fuels the addiction to helping others, giving gifts, or generally attempting to gain a sense of significance.
If this resonates with you and you want to learn how to be more effective in your attempts to help others, check out my article, When Does Helping Become Enabling?
In that article, I present an in-depth distinction between helping and codependent enabling, particularly when helping someone with an addiction. Helping allows you to be the most effective version of yourself in your relationships with others, whereas enabling keeps you trapped in this unhealthy dynamic.
The key to recovering from codependency is developing personal boundaries and starting to focus on self-care. Over time, a person suffering from codependency may build a sense of identity and self-esteem.
Conclusion
We are social beings, and our need to be needed is rooted in this reality.
We can fulfill this need in healthy ways, so long as we maintain personal boundaries, engage in self-care, and have a foundation of self-worth.
We can fulfill our need to be needed when we find a way to make ourselves useful within our social context.
On a public policy level, we need to consider ways to reduce the impact of life transitions on our need to be needed.
Problematic life transitions could include students in transition to the work-world, retirees transitioning out of their profession, veterans in transition to civilian life, professional athletes leaving their sport, and priests retiring from their role.
Humans are fundamentally social creatures, and when our social needs are met, we feel a sense of belonging and purpose.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to build a sense of purpose, you can check out my article here: What Does It Mean to Have a Purpose?
by Steve Rose | Jan 11, 2014 | Identity, Purpose, and Belonging
On the go? Listen to the audio version of the article here:
I’ve always been interested in what drives human behavior. This question has probably been the main driver throughout my studies.
I have spent the last decade trying to answer this question and have discovered some important facts about what makes us tick.
So what drives human behavior?
The drive to fulfill the need for a sense of significance, achieved through a perceived sense of control over one’s life, a sense of social belonging, and a sense of effective social contribution.
Simply put, this means we all want to feel significant. This sense of significance is achieved through feeling like we belong and feeling like we are making a contribution.
When this is achieved, we feel fulfilled. When it is not, we feel the need to compensate for this lack of inner-fulfillment.
What is the science behind this theory?
According to self-determination theory, there are three underlying human needs: autonomy, relatedness, and competence
Autonomy is the sense that we have a level of control over our lives and are able to make our own free decisions. This can also be called a sense of freedom.
Relatedness refers to the idea that although we have a level of freedom and individuality, we still need to feel connected to something beyond ourselves. This can also be called a sense of community.
Competence is the sense that we are able to develop a level of skill or mastery over an area, allowing us to use these skills to contribute something valuable to the broader society.
According to Edward L. Deci and Richard Ryan, these three fundamental needs drive intrinsic motivation. This is a humanistic perspective in positive psychology.
This theory goes beyond simply looking at rewards and punishments, as was popularized by B.F. Skinner in his theory of Operant Conditioning.
Although rewards and punishments do affect our habits, they are only extrinsic motivators. Human beings are more powerfully driven by the intrinsic motivators outlined in self-determination theory.
In their research, Deci and Ryan state:
Perhaps no single phenomenon reflects the positive potential of human nature as much as intrinsic motivation, the inherent tendency to seek out novelty and challenges, to extend and exercise one’s capacities, to explore, and to learn.
This perspective considers the active nature of human beings and their desire to expand their abilities. It expands on Skinner’s perspective on conditioning which frames human beings as equivalent to dogs that can be trained through external reward and punishment.
Although both drive human behavior, I believe Deci and Ryan’s humanistic perspective allows us to better understand the complexity of human behavior.
What happens when our needs are not met?
When our needs are not met and our sense of personal significance is threatened, we compensate through fight or flight responses in an attempt to restore or escape our lost sense of significance.
Fight responses include displays of superiority and displays of power. Displays of superiority include harnessing status symbols or sabotaging others, and displays of power include aggressive attempts to control or manipulate others.
Flight responses include social withdrawal, which could involve escapist behaviors. These behaviors may include the use of drugs, addictive behaviors, or other ineffective coping mechanisms such as projection, denial, or displacement.
Both of these processes fuel addiction and mental health issues, including suicide.
Why is it important to understand the root causes?
When someone is acting out by engaging in destructive behaviors, we need to look beyond the surface. We are often quick to condemn someone’s bad behavior by labeling them a bad person.
The problem with simply labeling someone a bad person because of their bad behavior is that it does not get to the root causes of that behavior.
Looking beyond the surface behavior does not excuse the behavior. It just allows us to see the situation more realistically so that we can better understand what is actually going on so we can more effectively deal with the behavior.
Simply attempting to punish someone’s bad behavior without addressing the unmet needs may stop the behavior in the short term, but will only serve as a temporary solution.
Trying to change someone’s behavior by simply punishing them is comparable to trying to cure an addiction by taking away someone’s drugs and calling them a bad person. Realistically, would this get someone any closer to recovery?
From my experience in the addiction field, if the underlying reasons are not addressed, reprimanding someone with negative statements only drives them away. Their fight or flight response is already over-active, so attacking them only contributes to the problem.
If you can relate to this situation, you may be interested in checking out my article, The Ultimate Guide to Helping Someone Change.
What are some root causes of negative behavior?
As stated before, the root causes of negative behavior consist of reacting to the pain of our unmet needs through fight or flight.
Some responses may include the following examples highlighted in the psychodynamic psychology of defense mechanisms:
- Displacement: acting out on a substitute target. For example, having a bad day at work and taking it out on a partner at home.
- Projection: a way of denying our own faults or insecurities by projecting them onto someone else, and accusing that other person of those things.
- Regression: falling into childish behaviors when under stress.
- Denial: a form of flight from difficult thoughts or emotions and an unwillingness to face the reality of a situation.
People may resort to defense mechanisms instead of effectively coping with difficult situations for many reasons.
A root cause of these behaviors may include an earlier experience of trauma. Traumas may include a sudden disturbing event where an individual losses all sense of control, or a complex trauma whereby the person is traumatized by the long-term cumulative effect of a relationship or situation.
What drives positive behavior?
As stated before, human beings are not simply reacting to rewards and punishments. Our negative behavior is largely influenced by the despair associated with fundamental needs are not being met.
In the same way, our positive behavior can be largely attributed to our needs being met and our attempt to expand the sense of joy we receive from acting in alignment with these needs.
The need for autonomy gives us a sense of control over our lives. Research on children in school indicates that facilitating a child’s sense of autonomy has strong potential for developing their sense of intrinsic motivation in school.
The need for Relatedness gives us the sense that although we are our own individual persons, we are integrated within a larger community. My own research on veterans in transition to civilian life highlights this point. Many of the persons I spoke with stated the bond developed in the military was a high point in their lives.
The need for contribution gives us a sense of being connected to a clause larger than ourselves, in addition to the sense that we are expanding our abilities to make a contribution. Research on indicators of a positive mindset among men found that work satisfaction has the greatest impact.
Job satisfaction is associated with a sense of meaningful contribution. In addition to contribution, positive workplace environments facilitate a sense of trust and relatedness with one’s team, while maintaining a level of individual control of one’s work.
Conclusion
Human behavior is driven by rewards and punishments in addition to the drive to fulfill the need for a sense of significance. This is achieved through a perceived sense of control over one’s life, a sense of social belonging, and a sense of effective social contribution.
If you are interested in getting an even deeper understanding of our drive to seek purpose in life, you can check out my article, What Does It Mean to Have a Purpose?
